Heart to Heart

Walking along the park reserve, I tried to talk about anything and everything else, avoiding direct eye contact with Daddy so I didn't have to answer the one question I knew was the sole purpose of this walk in the first place. Finally, Daddy needled in the question I had anticipated all along yet wished was never brought up at all:

So, what are your plans?

My PLANS? Let's see, where do I start?

I knew where this was going. Just a couple of days ago I had thrown in the possibility of wanting to move out and move into the city once uni started- for several reasons that only seemed to make sense to no one else but me. Believe you me, I did get an earful and so I mentally reminded myself NEVER to bring it up again. But I got cornered today by Daddy and I couldn't see a way out.

So, what are your plans?

My p-p-plaaans? Well, I still wanna move out but that's something mom'll never understand so I'm coming to you first instead. I don't want to be resented for moving out. All I ask is that you realize I'm almost an adult and let me do things my way. I'd like to go with your blessing (and perhaps occasional ang pows). I don't intend to sever myself from you and be detatched all by my lonesome self- I'm much to indebted to your love to even think of ding such a thing to you.

All I ask is that you give me the independance I've always wanted to experience as a student while I can. I've always loved the city, I want to smell it; taste it; live it! I want to go out for long hours and not worry about coming home to an earful of where-have-you-been's and why-didn't-you-call's. I want to make my own mistakes. I've wanted to study overseas for the longest time partly because of the independance that comes along with it. The idea of having to fix you own botch-ups.

I know you're probably thinking how cliche this is. I realize how this may sound. I understand you think that by saying this, I'm just another rebelious teenager who's constant cry is to leave me alone because it's my life and to stop ruinning it for me! Truth is, I am just another teenager who wants to experience life to its fullest without having to be accountable to anyone else but myself and my God. Difference is, I realize it's not my life and you're not ruining my life.

I was glad to have had that talk with Daddy and finally get it out in the open. I felt so much better and the air seems a little clearer now. Thanks.

So don't get me wrong. I love ya'll with all my heart and I would never want to hurt you or make you question your parenting skills; When the time is right, please, let me go. Just let me go. In the words of Kahlil Gibran,

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

I've loved this piece since the day I first heard it at my high school's Literarly Night. Nice work reading it, Michelle!