Mr. BIG!

I've always known that the God I serve is a big God. And just two weeks ago, I took a little trip down south to Wellington for a conference and then detoured to New Plymouth (out west of New Zealand's north island) and I had a whoa-God-is-SO-big moment throughout the drive. I saw magnificent mountains, breathtaking seaviews, beyond awesome beaches, rip-roaring waves crashing over rocks and I stood in absolute awe as I looked at Mount Taranaki and Mount Ruapehu in all its glory. At night, I could literally feel the blanket of stars wrap around me as I looked up from the field. I've not seen THAT many stars all at once in the longest time!

And to this that God created all this AND MORE...in less than a week! I'm convinced that HE is indeed a BIG God- a God that cannot and will not be boxed; a God that not only created this huge universe and all that's in it (seriously, HE's got a name for every possible star in the universe!) but is also a God that lives in me and who loves me enough to want to have a relationship with me; A God that knows me and sees me for who I am and still wants to forgive me despite the many times I've hurt Him. I do trully serve a magnificent God!

I finally understand the meaning of the word "breathtaking". I honestly could not breathe for a few heartbeats, just standing in absolute wonder at God's handy work! Man, I think everyone who has the chance to visit New Zealand should seize it, it'll be worth it. I LOVE New Zealand for its raw and untouched beauty. Let's hope it stays this way...

Oh, and on another note, I'm flying back to Malaysia for the Summer and I'm sooooo excited! *does a little happy jig*

Emotions Within

Joy: the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation; a state of happiness or felicity.

Perfect: excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement; entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings.

Passion: any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling; a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything.

* Picture and meanings courtesy of Gettyimages and Dictionary.com respectively :)

Holding My Head in My Hands...

...and breathing. Just...breathing. Gosh, it's been one rollercoaster of a week, but it all came to an end at 3.30p.m yesterday when I filled up my cover sheet, bounded the essay together and tossed it into the assignment box (with such flair if I do say so myself!). "Wendy's" and "sleep" were the only two words my mind could process as meaning. Well, "run", "shout", "top of the building", "badminton", "guitar", "bass" and "flatmate" were in there somewhere too but those two were the prominent ones! You know, it's like that feeling you get when you ask someone out on a first date and he says yes; you just wanna jump up and click your heels and run around the street hugging absolute strangers, singing your heart out for the sheer joy you just can't contain. That is exactly how I felt yesterday. "Finally", I thought, no more Red Bull. No more flat whites with an extra shot (or 2) of espresso. No more stepping on peoples' toes. No more falling asleep to the thought of which assignments to do when I wake up. No more weird dreams of referencing (APA style). NO MORE!

That is not to say that Im completely rid of assignments though. I've 2 more practical pieces to work on in the coming weeks and let's not forget the "be all" of all ends-of-semesters: Finals. But my consoling thought is the fact that Summer is in sight and so is my trip back home, where I can finally have those long awaited "pasta and beer" nights with my girls. As I've just typed that out, I sudenly thought of what next year might have in store. But that thought has fleeted as instantaneously as it has entered. I'll worry about next year when next year comes. "Baby steps, Naveena" is what my mom always says. For I know my God will sustain me through the weeks to come. Thanks for not letting me crack under preassure these few weeks.

On a lighter note, Char discovered this awesome new Malaysian Cafe in Newmarket and has been wanting to go there. So when we finally made a date with each other to check out that place, Steph decided she'd come along. Had a wee little trouble finding the place but when the menu was brought to our table, we decided it was worth the trouble. And then the food came; now I know why Char was so keen on going there. The food was a-MAY-zing! I kid you not when I say I felt like I was transported back to one of the "makan spots" in Gurney Drive, Penang! All those of you who live in the city should definitely pay that place a visit. Will post up the address next time. For now...this is proof:

Pan Men (please Spellcheck)

Curry Mee (the curry is seriously out of this world! Ok, out of New Zealand maybe...)

Hainan Chicken Rice

This is not just any tea; it's TEH TARIK!

Of Comfy PJ's and Comfy-er (I know it's not in the dictionary) Flatties

So I'm finally sitting down to do my long over due readings (well, I will once I've posted this entry); Readings that were meant to be completed during my holidays about two weeks ago; Reaadings that WILL cost me my grade should I decide to tell them to take a hike; Reaadings that are quite gruelling; Readings that drone on and on...AND ON about New Zealand media policies and politics; Readings that I absolutely have to finish before Wednesday, lest I flunk the assignment that's due a week from now.

I sit here with my comfy shorts and my favorite stripped long-sleved t-shirt ater a nice shower, smelling of lavander. My hair pulled back with a pink gripper that make some of the shorter strands fall on my face, and my black square-framed glasses sitting loosely above my nose. And with all my colored pens and highlighters, I am ready to take on this challenge. The plan is to finish two out of the eight readings I have before I get to bed tonight. Will it be possible? I'm not sure; Will it be absolutely positively dreadful? Not all of it I hope, but I'm still optimistic that it's do-able; Will I try and get this challenge under my belt? You bet your bedroom slippers I am!

Oh, and I should also peobably mention that I've a well fed-now-I-can-concerntrate stomach now. It was just one of those nice Sundays where both my flatmates and I were home so we had dinner together- definitely not something we do often enough because of our whack time-tables. You know, this is one of the very many moments I treasure about this flat. I've two beyond amazing girls with whom I share it with and let me tell you, that makes ALL the difference! Oh, and because I'm the youngest, I can bring out the child in me a little more often and get away with it....or so I like to think!

Ok, ok. So, here I go! Media Comm, I shalt conquer thee...even if it's the last thing I do!

Blessed Be Your Name

This song has been the recurring theme for me these past few weeks (again). I was just sharing with a dear friend of mine today how I finally understand the meaning of this song and when we sang it at church today, with all my heart, every fiber of my being cried out the words to this song- such resonance! Truly, it's always easier to praise God and be thankful when things go right. But when calamaties (hope I spelt that right) strike, when your world suddenly begins to fall apart and pulvarizes into a million different pieces, it becomes very hard to still give thanks and praise Him. You start to question Him and what exactly is it that He's trying to do. For those of you who have suffered losses and been in a situation where faith and hope seems frail, you'll know what I mean. But then you learn to still trust Him because you know He knows what's best. And so, you (or rather I) still bless His name.

This is the full words to the song (refer to previous post). And sorry, I got the lyricist wrong in the last post. It's not Chris Tomlin:

Blessed Be Your Name (by Matt Redman)

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

Great is Thy Faithfulness

You'd be pleased to know that I actually won the war (refer to previous post) and came out well and kicking at the other end, no thanks to that stupid "Diflam Forte"! Turns out, all I really needed were paracetamol are razene to do the trick. Oh, and nearly a dozen lemon-flavoured Throaties which one of my flatmates was so awesome to get me some =)

But that's really not the point of this post. My post today is to celebrate my God's goodness, nay, FAITHFULNESS to me. See, for the longest time, I thought He'd forgotten all about me and left me to cry in the corner somewhere. And just when I thought things couldn't get worse, He took one of my uncles away from me. An uncle I didn't quite get to say goodbye to; an uncle who thought me how to play the first few bars of 'Silent Night' on the harmonica; an uncle who despite his short temper, I still loved and appreaciated; an uncle who made my 12th or 13th Christmas one of the best memories ever; an uncle I so wish I got to spend more time with. My dearest uncle Edwin. I was mad at God for taking him away so soon. I was even more mad at the fact that I left with the complete assurance that I would be back this year to see him and spend time with him. And now I will never have that. I think I'm finally realizing the enormity of loosing him as I write this...

But I also believe that things happen for a reason. I don't mourn his going-away because I don't want to remember him like that. I want to remember him as he was on my 13th Christmas. That is how I want to always remember him. I'm not mad at God no more. I don't know why He had to take my Uncle Edwin but I know. I guess sometimes He takes away in order to make room for another thing He wants to give...my heart will still bless His name

It's like that song by Chris Tomlin:
"You give and take away
You give and take away;
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name"

So, no, He hasn't forgotten me. Just when I'm about to let out yet another cry of frustration, He renews my faith in Him by showing me His faithfulness. My God is a faithfull God. I now know.

I'm At War...

...for the second time this month with Mr. Sore-throat and Ms. Influenza. This time however, I think I'm gonna win becasause I've these fellas on my side:

The pharmacist said it's a seven-day battle so hopefully I come out on the winning side then.

I will blog about something more thought-provoking/insightful and of better content during the holidays when the madness of this "war" and my assignments are over. But for now, this is all I can manage..

Look Out Auckland City!

...and I'd like to apologize in advance for being a pain on the road. You should know I would not have done that intentionally =)

Bus Stop Sales

I was walking along Britomart (kinda like the Pasar Seni of Auckland City, except perhaps a wee more organized) the other day with one of my flatemates when I came across this on one of those floor spotlight thingamajigies:
The idea of this is basically, when the lights go on, the shape of that l'il bat will be reflected onto the of the bus stop. I thought it was a clever promotion...made me wonder if the local television networks go through this much 'trouble' to promote the shows they air on TV. I've not been back to KL in a while so I can't say for sure.

Oh, this was done by Television New Zealand, by the way (the equivalant to Malaysia's RTM).

Easy Silence

The view from my inner city appartment. I will sorely miss this place and the 2 people who make this flat even more special!

It's been ages I know, I know! Truth is, with so much work to be done (and the semester has just begun a month ago!) it's been so easy to not blog despite the many events that have happend in these few months. But, I'm not about to spend this little space with this whole I've-been-busy rigmarole.

I'm not going to say much either. I will leave you with this little thought I have though: Songwriting is an art that very few people have. Wait; let me rephrase that: GOOD songwriting is an art very few people have been blessed with. That said, I think Rebecca St. James and Brooke Fraser are probably two of the best writers around. I'm amazed at how such simple words speak so profoundly to my heart. I think what makes it so meaningful is the fact that they sing their own songs- personal interpretation just totally adds to it. This is really true when I listen to songs that make me go, "that's exactly how I feel, right there!"

A few weeks ago, my Radio lecturer asked everyone in my class if there was a band or song that describes us, what would it be. I wish I had Rebecca St. James' If I Had One Chance To Tell You Something because that's me right there; the whole album! I find it funny (not funny "ha-ha") and quite amazing at the same time. It feels good to know I'm not alone in this world; that there is at least one other person who identifies with me, or rather I identify with- since she had it in her to pen down her thoughts and make it into a well-selling (if that's even a phrase) record at that!

p.s: The blue and yellow thing sticking out at the far left in the picture above is Auckland's pride and joy: The Sky Tower. I want to bungee jump from the mid point some day- before my 25th birthday.

Anger Management

If you've been a university or college student long enough, you would have, at one point or another, come to realize that the social circles run very differently as compared to high school. In high school, it's fairly simple to put almost every individual into various categories and box them up into streotypical social groups. Such groups include the athletes, beauty queens, cheerleaders, bitches, geeks, football/basketball teams, the 'emo' people, the ones who need a boost in their self-esteem and a whole lot of other sub categories that I can't seem to think of at the moment but am sure exist. Then there certain elite individuals that eventually become a brand of their own like the leading man of the soccer/rugby/basketball team and the captain of the cheerleading squad or the high school slut. You should know that I'm just expressing an opinion with no prior research on this matter as I came from a high school in the East. The above statements are made solely from the knowlege of what the media has fed me over the years.

Anyway, back to where I was. Things change when you move on to university. All those little circles link hands and become three big circles: the really academically brilliant ones, the slightly above average ones (I like to think I fall in this category) and my personal dislike, the ones who just couldn't give a rat's ass about what happens. The last kind is the worst because in matters pertaining to group work, they're the ones who, *insert suitable adjective here* the crap out of you? (I don't know how to say it politely!)

Unfortunately, I've had the "pleasure" of working with some of these fellas and let me tell you, patience? Not an easy Feat! The idea that they can be so irresponsible and not turn up for appointments and (what I hate the most) not answer messages/calls is beyond my comprehension! Honestly, I'm so over wroking in groups! Over it! I'm silently praying that karma will bite them back in the ass real hard. I know it's mean of me to do that but seriously, I wish they'd just establish thier lack of propriety early on in the assignment so I know they're not dependable and do something about it sooner.

I was so amazed at how angry I was with a certain partner of mine. I remember how my girlfriends in high school use to joke that I walked aound as if there was a little thunder cloud with a lightning bolt above my head. It's been almost 6 years since I felt like that....till yesterday. I swear, I would not have hesitated to shoot this person had I a gun and that's when I realized the enormity of my anger. Right then, I realized if it happened again, I just may have to go for anger management sessions. Yeah, it was THAT bad and I'm in no way trying to blow it out of proportion. The only saving grace this person had was his really gorgeous eyes- the kind that just might make you go weak in the knees if you stare into it long enough...which is why I almost never look him in the when we're talking.

God, please grant me the patience to deal with these people, the will to control my anger that I will not say something I will later regret, the courage to tell them how I feel and the strength to sustain me through the week.

Do. Something.

I don't know if I'm saying what I'm about to say because television drama has got the best out of me. Perhaps He intentionally authored this chapter of my life that I would be almost forced to go back to Him and have that long impending chat I promised Him a while back. But anyway, back to what I am about to say: If you are an avid follower of the recent Hollywood invention that took the TV world by storm with its intriguing plot and critical acclaim, not to mention certain characters who are, how shall I say, very easy on the eyes...I'm sure you know the now dead Isacc Mendez of 'Heroes' who had the ability to paint the future (forget the fact that he needed to get all high to do that).

Many times this past weeks, I have been made to question how sure am I of my direction in life and wish Mendez's fictional being extended to the reality of my world so he would paint me a picture of my future- let me know if I'm on the right path. And if I'm not then at the very least I would have had the chance to do it over and get it right the next time. I wish Mendez would paint me what it is that will happpen to me in the next 20 years (I'm not even asking for my whole lifetime). I'd even pay for the canvas, paints and brushes! I am aware that art supplies aren't exactly the cheapest things around. (this is where you're supposed to laugh in case you didn't get it) Just tell me what the future holds for me.

Will I become the television producer and director I've always wanted to become? Should I even be DOING television? Maybe I should be persuing my initial dream of wanting to become a journalist and write those "hit 'em where it hurts" kind of pieces about war, abject poverty, corruption, greed, so-called democracy, etc. I used to think that if I became a journalist, I could make a difference- make people see that some people's comfort and happiness doesn't have to cost someone else thiers. That no matter where on earth we are born, we are still equal and that the color of our skin or the clothes we wear or the place we come from don't dictate our place in society.

But somewhere along the way, I lost sight of that dream. Somewhere along the way, people kept telling me that I could write about the things that matter all I wanted, till the cows came home, but the world will always be the same. Somewhere along the way, I decided that I was going to kill that dream. But perhaps I could still revive that dream, still persuing a career in television. After all, it is still under the same umbrella of mass-media, no?

All these questions and not many (if any!) answers. From little things like, 'Should I study abroad for a semester next year' or 'is the weather gonna go all crazy again today' or 'what do I wear to uni' to bigger ones like, 'should I find a job right after graduation' or 'should I take a few years off to work for an NGO' or 'will my paper qualification be of any help to me if I want to work with kids in Rwanda or India' to life altering questions like, 'will I be 35 and still single and alone' or 'is there actually going to be a Mr. Man in the picture' and 'will I have this Mr. Man to go home to and rest my head on his lap and whine about the terrible day that I had but it's all much better now because he's here' or 'will there be little Mr. Mans and Naveenas around'. Ok, so maybe I should stop watching telly drama, but still...you get the picture?

The point is, I don't know if I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing to secure a happy future. I'm not sure. I have hope but I'm not sure. I know you could easily point out that none of us are ever sure about the future and that's what makes it the future. I know you would if you knew me well enough. You would slap me on the arm and tell me to just trust God and have faith. You would tell me to stop complaining and live in the 'now' rather than the 'future' because life is too short to worry about tomorrow. But truth is, I honestly think it's much easier said than done. It's actually quite a scary word, that one- FUTURE.

God, I want to trust You. I want to trust that everything will be okay because You say that plans You have for my future are plans to prosper and not harm me. I want to believe that you know where the end of the road is for me, because You have better foresight than I ever will. Lord, I want to have complete faith in You. I. want. to.

But I can't. I'm having trouble in that area because You're not giving me any sign of it all being okay. I'm have a problem with You making me wait because You're not doing anything to help with my certainty. Lord, I need you to show me something. Anything. Just show. me. something. I know You're working on me and that Your hand is always on my life, but right now, I need You to do something to show me it's going to be alright. You know my needs and wants and You've heard my questions (I KNOW YOU HAVE! Don't deny it). Now I need you to help me figure it out. I'm here at your feet asking You to help me figure this out. Do Something. It's all I ask. That You would please just do. something.

I am Waiting

I am a strong independant woman (who's still just a girl at times) who will wait upon God to bring me the man He has chosen for me. I will be patient and wait for Him to bring him to me and I will (try to) accept the fact that perhaps either him or me aren't ready for each other and I so I will wait...so help me God.

Now, all I have to do is keep reciting this and I'll be fine.

Or so I hope.