I need a massage to un-knot the pain in my neck!

Work has agglomerated and so have my dirty laundry and the dishes. I can hardly see the floor in my room and my bed hasn't been made in 3 days. I've had a total of no more than 15 hours of sleep in the last 4 days and have been averaging out at 14 hours a day working. I haven't seen anyone else outside my class of 20 people at the TV studio all week (except for Gillian this morning and Rah in the evening) oh, and Kathy on thuesday, and my flatmates probably think I've moved out without giving them any notice. I've not seen either one of them since Monday...well, except for the 5 second run-in with Steph before she went to bed at 2 yesterday where she said and I quote (for proof of my lack of presence), "oh, you're back".

I had an assignment due at 4 p.m today and a little video project for church which I spent the last 7 hours putting together.

I had a half-hearted conversation with a friend a couple of days ago (I think) over the phone and I feel bad for not being able to fully remember exactly what was said in that conversation. Although, I do remember him being a little annoyed at me for my seemingly lack of interest because I could totally hear the frustration in his voice. But that's ok because now that I think about it, I totally see sense in where he was trying to get so it's all good. I should see him in person soon-ish and sort this out.

DESPITE that, I managed to get a lil window shopping time and see my parents and go for a bible study session this week. I realize that I was possibly not the most gracious person this week but I'm fully thankful that my Creator has been so abounding in grace to me and has sustained me through one tornado of a week. Though I can't actually remember what really happened this week (yeah, I think I've pretty much been running on coffee, Red Bulls and adrenaline the whole time), I know for a fact that He is the reason I'm able to still stay together and not crack under preassure.

Mother's day is this Sunday and I've not got mom anything yet. I've to do something about it tomorrow when I wake up....what ever time that'd be! It's nearly 2.30 a.m and I'm totally keen on a game of touch rugby at 9 a.m later.

...and even though it's finally dawned upon me that I am about to have the craziest 4 weeks of the semester (the realization came when I flipped open my planner this morning), I am still going to say that...

Life is beautiful!

*I will write a more thought provoking one when I find the time to put my head in my hands and breathe for 10 minutes without being interupted.

I stand amazed at how you would give up the one thing so precious for my sake. I become speechless and am in absolute awe just thinking about how you had the courage to part with something so wonderful...even though it you knew You'd get 'em back some day. I love how much you care for me. I love that you loved me first even before I came to know You and yes, though I'm in total shock about what you did to me last week, I can honestly say that compared to what you did for me all those years ago, I must say that you win and I'm in no position to argue with you. It just makes me fall in love with you all over again...because there is nothing much else that I can do, really.

You make my good days such a joy, that wish it didn't have to come to an end. And you make my not-so-good days a little easier to live through, just because I know you're the one thing I look forward to spending time with at the end of it all. I love it that when I whine about what a horrible day it was you listen patiently but don't always have something to say in reply. Sometimes just knowing you're there is the best feeling in the world. When I'm insecure, troubled, scared half to death or bugged, you sit me down and tell me to snap out of it because you're fully aware of how it's gonna turn out and if it's meant to be, you'd make it happen.

I don't wanna have to ever give you up because I honestly cannot imagine life without you.

"For I am convinced that neither life nor death, neither angles nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of god that is in Christ Jesus our Lord"

-Romans 8: 38, 39

Happy Birthday, my girlies!

My dearest Juju,

Happy 21st, my dear! I hope you're settling in decently, if not positively in Melbourne. I'm grateful for the many times you made me laugh with your antics back in school because honestly, sometimes that was about the only thing that made some of my very dreadful days at school. I thank God for blessing me with the privilege of being your friend and I marvel at how much we've grown over the last couple of years (physically apart yet oddly enough still together) and I miss you terribly! When I look at you, I'm always reminded to just be myself and no one else. Thanks for that. I Love You!

Dashi honey,

Happy 21st to you too! I hope you have an amazing year ahead. My life took quite a differnt turn the day I ended up sitting next to you in class waaaay back in Form1! And I wouldn't trade a minute of it. You definitely did bring in the whole shebang when you introduced me to the rest of the group! I sometimes still think (and would then instantly let out a laugh) about how you'd go around with the plastic ruler and I'm glad we've come a long way since then! I think you have one of the best smiles in town. Oh, and thanks for taking me to Mojo's that time, even though I was probably not very good company. I love you heaps, babe!

I hope you have a fantastic year this year and that God would give you the courage and strength to face your days, the patience to deal with people (crummy lecturers included) and the grace to live life to its fullest and in its abundance! I wish I wasn't so far away from y'all...

10 Things I HAVE To Do

This is so that I remember what it is that I have to do and since I know for a fact that if I don't write it down somewhere in print, I will most definitely forget it....and these are things I can't afford to forget, largely because they would inevitably affect my grades (most of them anyway). Right now, this happens to be the best 'somewhere' to write this down. So, this is solely for my benefit and no one elses :)

1. Watch two short films before scriptwriting class for next week (check)
2. Readings for scriptwriting class (Nichols and Rabiger... who are authors by the way, not some scary disease)
3. Media Communication IIa readings
4. Watch 'My Son, the Architect' and/or 'In the land of the dead'
5. Email Neil and Sarah (check)
6. Update WORP (check)
7. Rewrite the music chart for Indescribable and email it to the team (check)
8. Call Vodafone and suss out stuff (check)
9. GET A JOB!
10. Start working on Corporate Community Video Proposal

I plan on finishing at least 5 of those things before the break of dawn so I'm gonna get right to it...after I've stepped out to make me a cuppa (but of course!)

So not the political kind but...

I'm not one to dabble in political debates. I accept that as opinionated as I may be, I'm not well read enough to talk about political issues. Maybe part of my ignorance is because of my lack of interest...I mean, it's bad enough that I'm more often than not swamped with and overwhelming amount of workload (yes, I'm known to have a wee breakdown every now and then when things get a bit much); why would I want to spend the little time I have left reading up on who promised to bring down bus fares and abolish the dol as part of their election campaign (which may very well be something I made up for lack of a better example), or which candidate is dissing the president and making endless mentions about how once a Malay person draws out his keris, it must not go back into its sleeve without a good fight? I'd much rather spend time with my family and mates at the beach, or going out for a good 'ol fashion comical movie (because there's nothing quite like it- besides a nice glass of red wine- to unwind after a long and impossibly rainy day). Or better yet, curl up in my happy place and have a heart to heart with my Creator.

But, when the upcomming election is all everyone around you can talk about, especially those who know walnuts about politics, then it becomes worrying. When friends who usually say things like, "man, we Malaysian are so lucky we get to eat all kinds of food" suddenly say things like, "eh, I think we need to pray for Malaysians' wisdom to vote lah" then you KNOW the situation is not so hunky-dory. The thing is though, this country has always needed God and after 50 years, that fact has not changed. Yes, I dare say it's a fact and not a mere opinion. So yes, let's continue to pray that Malaysia votes wisely and that we will move the hand of God to turn the situation around because at this point in time, there really doesn't seem to be much else we can do aye? And I believe with all my heart that if we fervently seek Him, there will come a change that we've been waiting for. After all, God is God, isn't He?

Having said that, I realize that what I'm about to say next is absolutely contradictory to what I've just said. Why is it that we had to wait for all these years before people started to stand up for what they believe in? Why have we waited till now to raise our concerns and speak our minds? Malaysia has always had some sort of political unstability...we've all known it- the seemingly undivided races (but really racial unjustice is one of the biggest underlying problems of this country), the ability to seemingly have free will in worship (but really temples have been broken down and churches have been coerced into shutting down), the seemingly free speech democratic country (but really if you diss the Prime Minister, you better start running because the ISA just might be chasing you down). Why wait till now to bring this all out in the open? Why weren't the opposing parites as gungho before? When did Malaysian politicians start airing out thier dirty laundry to as far as London? Why is this all only happening now when we all KNOW these were issues that were there all along? Why?

...are questions I should probably do some research on before I come back with an answer. Like I said, I don't claim to be in tuned to the politics of this country and I may very well be saying complete and utter bullocks but I'm convinced that at least half of the questions I've raised are not all together wrong.

I am going to bed now and shall not worry my mind off about this because I have quite a long day tomorrow. i might come back with a better explanation for all of this...or not but that's not the point. The point I's like to make here is this: Malaysia, please uphold your leaders and countrymen in your prayers because, this is uproar is not about to dust itself off easily. Big challenges are brewing ahead and if this is not the time Malaysia needs God, then I don't know when is. Join hands and keep P.U.S.H-ing. Keep Praying Untill Something Happens!

"Oh God, I want it bad...but I want YOU more!"

Movies I WANT to Watch...

...in no particular order, except for the first three:

1. The Jane Austen Book Club (check)- I could only finish this in 5 seatings because it was THAT boring. Brilliant cast though, not so brilliant script sadly. My only consolation: Grigg.
2. The Other Boleyn Girl
3. P.S. I Love You (check)
4. Death at a Funeral (check)- And I highly recomend it; pardon the swearing if you're not too keen on scripts of that kind.
5. 27 Dresses (check)
6. Definitely Maybe
7. Fools Gold
8. 30 Days Of Night

...and just for the heck of it, because I like Nicole Kidman,

9. Margot at the Wedding

Also I really really really want to watch Sherrybaby and Gideon's Daughter. I should borrow the DVD.

I should borrow it soon. Before I go back to the routine of a student's life.

Why must all the good movies come out now? ok, granted, perhaps not all the movies are really good must-watch ones but still... Damn opposite seasons!

...of clothes and thoughts

Oh my gosh! I've become one of those people who have an impulsive need to buy nearly everything I happen to like though I may not actually necessarily need it. Oh no, could it be? Have I (dare I say it) succumbed to the overpowering force of consumerism? I think I've become a...*gasp!* shoppaholic without even realizing it. I was cleaning out my wardrobe (because I finally decided to give mom's nagging skills a break and also because I wasn't sure where some of my clothes hitchiked to) and the whole time I was looking, folding, rolling those clothes, I asked myself, "where in the world did all this stuff come form??!" I had absolutely no idea exactly WHAT was in my wardrobe and worse, how some of them even got there to begin with!

It's a good thing mom didn't catch me saying out loud because she'd totally get all up in my grill about all those times I whined about not having enough clothes. In my defense though, I don't ALWAYS go shopping and when i do it's usually because I need those clothes. I guess I just hadn't realized the enormity of this "need" that I've collected over time.

"I should stop buying clothes for a while" is what I would say if I actually meant it but I don't...so I can't...which makes me an even bigger clothes addict. But then again, my addiction to shoes is ginormously (giganticaly enourmous) incomparable to my love for them clothes, although again, in my defense there are worst cases than me; case in point, my sister who came back from KL with 7 or 8 pairs of shoes compared to my measly 4 or 5 pairs.

I realize that this is something I never would have been caught saying 7 years ago (because as a kid, I would climb trees, go fishing, play football in bare feet and hang out with boys more often than girls). Heck, I never thought I'd actually say something like this. I'm still in no position to make snide remarks on dresses celebs wear everytime I watch the Oscars or Grammy's but sure have come a long way since my 'jeans and t-shirt, baggy pants and even bigger shirt' days...or so I like to think. My grandmother would have been proud, I'm sure, since she always had something to say about my fashion emsemble, particularly when attending Indian weddings.

I have nothing clever to say right now and so I shall stop here for now. But after writing this I realized something else. I need to start writing more. I've become rusty and am not as sharp and quick-witted as I used to be and I keep making silly typo-s.

Reflection

Ok, so I'm back after a two month- long hiatus. I think all you holiday go-ers can totally relate when I say that although I'm glad to be back, I'm bummed that I couldn't stay longer.

In the two months that I was back in my homeland, here're some things I learned:

1. The political situation has deteriorated all the way down the drain and has been flushed out into the sea.


2. The whole 3 races living in harmony under in the same country is at large, overrated but on some small scale is still existent so there's still hope.


3. I'd never have alcohol at the clubs/bars/pubs (unless I'm in Langkawi or some kind sould decides to shout me some) because they're so flippin' expensive and I'm not prepared to shell out 20 bucks for a rum and coke...again!


4. I miss the theatre and I'm such a beach bum!


5. True mates are those with who you can instantaneously pick up where you left almost three years ago.


6. It's as amazing as it is scary to realize people whom you thought you knew so well are not the same and you have to spend time rediscovering them all over again...and THAT's the amazing part.


7. Singing in a band is one of the best feelings ever, eventhough it's not my own band.


8. I've missed Char Kwey Teow and Dim Sum.


9. God is ever faithful even though I constantly find myself screwing up.


10. I am LOVED!

And as I look back at the good times I've had these months, I realize that I have much to be thankful for, despite the fact that my life is not perfect. God is awesome because He saw me through my weakest of moments.

2007 took off slowly but once it went full throtle, it was nothing short of wonderful! I had quite a few firsts and lasts too so those were some good and not so good times to remember the year by. I'm glad my year ended the way it did.

And I certainly started off 2008 with a bang and I'm still on a high from all that energy and buzz! I reckon 2008 is going to be blast and a challenge to cope with at the same time but with God by my side guiding me, I think I'm gonna be alright =)

Dear God, I' commiting this year into your hands. Do with me as You will but I wish You'd let me know what it is that You have plans because You always have a way of throwing the randomest of things at me...a wee l'il heads-up every now and then would be nice. I know I can be quite stuborn at times but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to listen. I pray You'd help me because I sometimes struggle to obey You wholeheartedly. I pray for my mates too; may you keep them safe and guide their hearts to do right by You. I love you and I thank You for everything that you've blessed me with. Amen.

I want...

...TO GO BACK TO LANGKAWI!

I want to go back and bum on the beach the whole day! I want, I want, I WANT!

Man, can't believe I'm going home in less than two weeks!

Too Good To Be True

I knew it is NEVER as easy as people say it is when it comes to dealing with the government. I thought I'd give them the benefit of the doubt, you know, since I've not been back to this country in over a year- hoping they'd somehow come to terms with their tardiness and pick up slack. But, I'm happy to laugh in your face and tell you, "HAH! nothing has changed!"

I wonder what is the whole point of having a microchip embedded in your ID card if it doesn't have ALL your information keyed into the big system. I had a name-change about two years ago (also due to the incompetency of the government- particularly the Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara). Logically thinking if I had a state-of-the-art changgih-fied ID card that hold ALL my personal details, then this information should be included in as well...right? I mean, seriously, would someone tell me if I've got it all wrong? Now I can't renew my passport without going all the way back to the rego department in wait for it, Putrajaya to get a letter authenticating the name-change! I can't believe I've to take the fall for their incompetencies and screw-ups! As Always.

Ok, so I'm venting my frustration. I'm sure I'll be okay in a couple days. Seriously though, I had a hunch it was gonna be a bad day as soon as mom said we were going to face this government. All I can say is these numbnuts better not send me on another wild goose chase when I go to Putrajaya to get that bloody letter!

I've just been too lazy to blog...so lazy that all I long to do to is go back to Mickey's and watch House with Ju and her...I've become such a homebody for the last one week and it's not even been in my own home to be a homebody in!

But on a side note, it felt absolutely amazing to catch up with my girlfriends and just be able to be myself again, without having to bother about "behaving myself". I've missed that.

Thank God, Thank God, Thang-God!

THANK YOU LORD!!!

Skip. Hop. Run down the street (not naked!). Scream. Shout for joy. WOO-HOO!!!

Reason? I did so much better than I expected for my Video Production paper! My first A-grade paper! Nevermind the fact that the rest were like, B-minuses; I suppose I can't have it all, can I? There has to be some part of it that's not as satisfying and so I will admit that I'm not the brightest star around. But to be fair, those other papers were theoretical and factual ones; I'm not wired to always remember every single fact about the New Zealand media industry- only the ones that matter. So really, I am a wee bit guttered that I didn't score as high for those papers but then again, I console myself by saying they're not the determining papers.

That said, however, I'm not about to slack off on those kinds of papers. Hopefully I'd do better next year. But for now, I'm perfectly content and quite happy with basking in my little victory in just that one paper.

Thank You, God! Trully!

You KNOW You're Back In Kuala Lumpur When:

1. You feel the heat wave wash over you as soon as you step out of the airPLANE (note: I didn't say airPORT)


2. You're able to have a "maggi goreng" at 11pm at your neighbourhood "mamak stall"


3. Your aunties fuss over what to cook for you because they KNOW you've missed good 'ol Malaysian Indian cuisine


4. You drive around and all you see is highways, cars, more cars and resultantly heavier traffic


5. Malls are your hangout spots (as opposed to beaches and mountains and parks and farms)


6. You wake up and go to bed at ungodly hours for the first few days (eg: Sleep at 8pm and wake up at 4am) Note: I'm making progress now though...I woke up at 7.30am today


7. One shower a day is not enough =)


8. The smell of raw fish greets you at the entrance of morning markets.


9. Your "la's" come back to you instantly upon arriving at the airport =)
10. You can depend on your friends to order your dim sum dishes ;) Thanks girls!

Oh, and on a side note, my now three year old niece is speaking in full sentences! And now that she can, she just wouldn't stop talking altogether! (not that it isn't oh-so-adorable)

But despite that, it certainly DOES feel great to be back!