Life is a Highway!

Naveena...

2009-03-15T16:45:00.001+13:00

...has decided to leave this blog.

What ever I want to say I can say it on Facebook; otherwise I'll just keep my opinions to myself =)

bleagh!

2008-12-12T20:25:00.002+13:00

I reckon I have been hit with the most dire of afflictions- writer's block! (and I think it was Shakepreare who said that, so yeah even that is not original!) I want to write about everything and nothing at the same time. I can't for the life of me come up with anything remotely close to "flowery phrases" and for some bizzare reasons, I've lost the sudden ability to come up with brilliant one-liners, worthy of sales pitches! What is wrong with me?! I'm loosing my sharp whit and sarcastic edge.

Hmm...perhaps I should go away and get inspiration...I hope whatever "it" is, it comes back to me soon-ish so I can write again. I don't claim to be a good writer but I reckon it's palatable =)

2008-12-07T18:27:00.001+13:00

"All of my life,

in every season;

YOU are still God,

I have a reason

to sing..."

I Feel...

2008-12-04T15:14:00.002+13:00

...like a solo cello outside a chorus playing ever so gracefully, the song of the stars.

I'm so not a poet. Hah!

You know what gets me angry?
Pregnant mothers who smoke; People who complain about what they don't have but can't be bothered to want to get it themselves; Mothers who nag at their kids to get a job as soon as they step out of the university. Really, it's not like they're not trying...times are tough and jobs aren't exactly whisking past you.

Random, random thoughts. Man, I need to pick a feeling and stick to it!

Ten Things I Heard People Say This Week

2008-07-26T11:36:00.004+12:00

No, I've not gone and abandoned this blog; it's just been too quiet to write anything. It's been a while so I reckon I should restart with something simple: Things I heard/read this week. These are some of the stuff people said to me, I read off somethings, received a text, etc.

"It's not about what you look like; it's about who you are." -Rah Matthews on protrait photogrphy.

"I walk around confident because I'm a woman loved wholly, ferociously, passionately and intimately by the Living God. My idedntity is in this relationship; not in how well I can sing or how many albums I have sold, not weather poeple are appaluding or criticizing and not in my past or in my screw-ups...I will not love my art more than i love my Lord. I want to fear God more than I fear man." -Brooke Fraser. I'm not sure when or who she said this to (probably quoted in some article) but I received it twice in the same day so I figured it is of significance. I do echo her sentiments.

I put the sexy in dyslexia.

Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

On the other hand, there are more fingers...geddit?

If in doubt, leave it out.

Note to producers: Get excelent legal advice and accountants. Pay big bucks if you have to. Trust me.

The only things wring with love and faith is not having them. -quote from art book I can't remember

My secret is beautiful. It makes me smile when I think about it.

"You were my favorite in high school." -Kathy on what she possibly might want written in her eulogy. This was fully random!

It's NEVER Over Till It's Over

2008-06-19T15:04:00.000+12:00

Turns out, that "final" big project that I handed in was not so final after all because I'm STILL working on it. Then again it figures, since I'm in my final year. I'm meant to be on holidays at the moment but out of the 5 weeks that I have, I can probably only really enjoy 5 days of it as actual holidays. On the one hand, it frustrates me that I can't run off to the Carribeans or some other island (or something similar to it) and just chill out and have sex on the beach (the drink, I mean; not what some of you may think!) and read a bunch of chic flicks, go for spas, get a manicure, SLEEP, and everything else people are supposed to do when they go on a holiday. Why can't I go? Well, I'm a student. That means I'm living on a student budget and I'm still in between jobs and therefore can't afford that kind of luxury...not yet anyway. I'm a FINAL year student majoring in Television and have hopes to get into the industry soon-ish. That means I can't really whisk off because I need to start learning how to make my own bread and butter. Besides, there are still on-going projects that I need to work on...because my grades depend on them.

But on the other hand, since I can't go and spoil myself, I'm glad I'd have a few things to occupy myself with so I don't go insanely bored out of my mind. The fact that I love what I study doesn't make it a chore either so that helps. And I have a plan; I am going to spend these weeks ctching up with people I've not been able to see in the last two months because of the craziness of uni last semester.

...so...coffee anyone? =) Well, when I say coffee, I don't actually mean coffee perse; It's just a common expression for "let's catch up" but I'm sure you already knew that. Besides, the only coffee I drink is those ones I NEED to keep me awake at the end of semesters. I'd much prefer a cuppa hot chocolate. Seriously. Nothing quite like chocolate ;)

And so it ends...for now

2008-06-07T00:36:00.003+12:00

I've just handed in my final big project for the semester; all I have left is a final exam and a script and proposal due in time for next semester's work. I shoul feel estatic/relieved/happy/sleepy...something. I should feel SOMETHING but I can't feel anything. I reckon I'm just oo numb from all that has happened to me and around me in the last month or so. the whole thing just seems a bit too surreal at the moment and I know I'm gonna feel empty when I wake up Monday morning and go, "right, so what do I do now?". I just KNOW it! I can't remember what it's like to feel free and light-hearted...yeah, it's been a while.

I can't believe a month has gone by since I did my all my filming for the semester. I can't remember the last time I cooked a decent meal for myself. I find it hard to believe it's been nearly a month since we stopped talking. I'm not sure when I last saw or spoke to some of my best mates; I think they've disowned me due to the lack of communication on my part. I think it was really nice of him to say a l'il prayer for me. I honestly could not have gone through the month and still be sane/incredibly sober if it weren't for HIM. HIS grace has been all I've had to get by. I can't tell when my day starts or ends anymore. I am in absolute awe of how I've been taken care of by so many people over these weeks- being driven around to my shoots, being fed all the time; making sure I've enough food. My laundry has pilled up all the way up tp the ceiling (ok, so maybe there's a tad bit exaggeration there). I can barely see the floor in my room and I'm not sure where my Media Comm notes are- I need them for my upcoming finals.

But despite that, I must say that I've had some of the best and worst moments of my life. I'm just halfway into the year and I've had quite a few life-defining moments already. People keep telling me that I'm growing up and that they see a change in the way I handle situations that come my way. I can't imagine myself doing anything else and my classmates are really some of the most amazingly talented people around- my new found whanau (that's family in Maori). I love what I do! I really do. I actually do mean that. For real. Seriously.

I've a few people to say thanks to; Cheryl, thanks for just being yourself and taking care of me when I needed to nurse my wounds. Gillian, thanks for shouting me those dinners and reminding that I trully am alive in HIM and HIS love is unconditional and unfailing. Lee, thanks for encouraging me to press on with prayer and faith. Irvin, thanks for making me see sense in focusing on HIM. C.Z, that little prayer was so profound, I nearly cried; Thanks for the reminder in Corrinthians. Raluca, thanks for bearing with me and doing my camera work; you were nothing short of bloody amazing! Not sure how I'd have been able to cut Project Twin Streams together, given my very unspesific directional 'skills'...and thanks for taking me places. My unusually very quiet flatmate whom I've rarely seen in the last month, thanks for picking up my slack and tidying up our home; it looks like a real home now.

I really should get to bed and get some sleep now but I'm so wide awake...

Three-Letter Acronyms that rule my life

2008-06-01T00:32:00.002+12:00

APP: Advanced Production Practise

CCV: Corporate Community Video

TVW: Television Writing

WTF?!: Well, I'm sure you all know what that means =)

Tag; I'm IT this Time

2008-05-31T01:26:00.003+12:00

Okay, so I still don't have any thought provoking things to blog about this time but I have one of those tag things that you just have to answer. So, here goes...

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Not that I'm aware of but I know 4 other people who have either the same or similar variation of my name.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? About 2 Sundays ago.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HAND WRITING? Heck yeah! It's messy, slightly slanted, kinda cursive and so full of personality...like me ;)

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Fish

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Not yet but I'd like to have at least a couple when the time is right.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I don't think I'm THAT unbearable that I wouldn;t be friends with myself.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Are you kidding?! I BITE with sarcasm, but not everyone gets it so it's perfect.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? VEry much so, yes.

9. WOULD GO BUNGEE JUMPING? In a HEARTBEAT, without thinking twice!

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? It changes frequently but for now it's Milo Cereals

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? I'm a TV student; I don't have TIME to untie shoe laces.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Yeah, relatively; but if I was with a guy, I'd make him do the work instead...just 'cause I can ;)

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Orange choc chip!!!

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? The eyes, definitely and will always be that way.

15. RED OR PINK? Red, DUH, it's waaaaaay sexier!

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My sarcasm

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My girls back home....

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? My blue 'Little Miss Shy' jammy pants and my red doggie bedroom slippers...oh, I'm sooooo comfy!

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Steak and mushrooms...that I COOKED for the
first time in weeks.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Gloria Estefan's 'Hoy'

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Orange....or anything warm for that matter.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS? I loooove the smell of daisies and freshly baked cinammon roles

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Cheryl

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yeah, she's absolutely awesome; one of the two best flatmates on earth!

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Badminton but I'd much rather be PLAYING sport that watch it. I NEED to be physically participating in it.

27. HAIR COLOR? Very dark brown and you can only tell it's brown under the sun.

28. EYE COLOR? Very Dark brown

29. Do you wear contacts? More now than before, yes.

30. FAVORITE FOOD? My Mom's cooking, Steph's honey ginger chicken and pasta bake

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy Endings, definitely...it's good to have a little optimism every now and then.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? At the movies...would be Death at a Funeral; BRILLIANT
movie!

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? White with black graphics that read "A
World Without Strangers"

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? I wish winter was taken off the four-season cycle!

35. HUGS OR KISSES? Can I have both? ;) No? Oh, ok...kisses then.

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? ANYTHING with chocolate in it.

39. WHAT ARE YOU READING NOW? The Bible, actually. I'd like to start reading Jodi Picoult's 'My Sister's Keeper' soon-ish though.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don't do mouse pads!

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? I didn't turn on the TV last night because I had an overdose of it at the TV studio.

42. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Waves crashing onto the shore; the sound of horses galloping.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? THE Rolling Stones, baby!

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? I live in Auckland now so my farthest would have to be Wellington- about a 6 hour drive down south.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I love to sing but I'm not sure if it's a good enough
talent.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Malaysia

48. WHAT TIME IS IT NOW? Time to hit the sack after a nice, chilled night meeting new people.

Quotes of the week...

2008-05-16T00:14:00.004+12:00

...courtesy of AUT's Communication Studies students, majoring in TV this year:

(bangs both fists on the table) "Why is all my footage so crap?!" - Fahad Hussein, 2008.
"I don't believe in overexposure or underexposure. My shots are FINE." - Nadine Dempster, 2008.
"Jump cuts- the new crossfades" -Naveena Charles, 2008.

When you spend an average of 12 hours a day in the studio with the rest of the TV crew, you begin to feed off of each other's craziness and you come up with quotes that may or may not make sense. I'm sure there are a lot more quotes to come in the year.

I won't tell you how these brilliant quotes came about because it's a TV thing and only those who were at the scene will understand it in its context, but just in case you come up with something along these lines, remember, they HAVE ALREADY BEEN QUOTED! Unless someone else quoted this way before this...

I need a massage to un-knot the pain in my neck!

2008-05-10T01:03:00.003+12:00

Work has agglomerated and so have my dirty laundry and the dishes. I can hardly see the floor in my room and my bed hasn't been made in 3 days. I've had a total of no more than 15 hours of sleep in the last 4 days and have been averaging out at 14 hours a day working. I haven't seen anyone else outside my class of 20 people at the TV studio all week (except for Gillian this morning and Rah in the evening) oh, and Kathy on thuesday, and my flatmates probably think I've moved out without giving them any notice. I've not seen either one of them since Monday...well, except for the 5 second run-in with Steph before she went to bed at 2 yesterday where she said and I quote (for proof of my lack of presence), "oh, you're back".

I had an assignment due at 4 p.m today and a little video project for church which I spent the last 7 hours putting together.

I had a half-hearted conversation with a friend a couple of days ago (I think) over the phone and I feel bad for not being able to fully remember exactly what was said in that conversation. Although, I do remember him being a little annoyed at me for my seemingly lack of interest because I could totally hear the frustration in his voice. But that's ok because now that I think about it, I totally see sense in where he was trying to get so it's all good. I should see him in person soon-ish and sort this out.

DESPITE that, I managed to get a lil window shopping time and see my parents and go for a bible study session this week. I realize that I was possibly not the most gracious person this week but I'm fully thankful that my Creator has been so abounding in grace to me and has sustained me through one tornado of a week. Though I can't actually remember what really happened this week (yeah, I think I've pretty much been running on coffee, Red Bulls and adrenaline the whole time), I know for a fact that He is the reason I'm able to still stay together and not crack under preassure.

Mother's day is this Sunday and I've not got mom anything yet. I've to do something about it tomorrow when I wake up....what ever time that'd be! It's nearly 2.30 a.m and I'm totally keen on a game of touch rugby at 9 a.m later.

...and even though it's finally dawned upon me that I am about to have the craziest 4 weeks of the semester (the realization came when I flipped open my planner this morning), I am still going to say that...

Life is beautiful!

*I will write a more thought provoking one when I find the time to put my head in my hands and breathe for 10 minutes without being interupted.

2008-03-25T09:15:00.003+13:00

I stand amazed at how you would give up the one thing so precious for my sake. I become speechless and am in absolute awe just thinking about how you had the courage to part with something so wonderful...even though it you knew You'd get 'em back some day. I love how much you care for me. I love that you loved me first even before I came to know You and yes, though I'm in total shock about what you did to me last week, I can honestly say that compared to what you did for me all those years ago, I must say that you win and I'm in no position to argue with you. It just makes me fall in love with you all over again...because there is nothing much else that I can do, really.

You make my good days such a joy, that wish it didn't have to come to an end. And you make my not-so-good days a little easier to live through, just because I know you're the one thing I look forward to spending time with at the end of it all. I love it that when I whine about what a horrible day it was you listen patiently but don't always have something to say in reply. Sometimes just knowing you're there is the best feeling in the world. When I'm insecure, troubled, scared half to death or bugged, you sit me down and tell me to snap out of it because you're fully aware of how it's gonna turn out and if it's meant to be, you'd make it happen.

I don't wanna have to ever give you up because I honestly cannot imagine life without you.

"For I am convinced that neither life nor death, neither angles nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of god that is in Christ Jesus our Lord"

-Romans 8: 38, 39

Happy Birthday, my girlies!

2008-03-20T01:01:00.002+13:00

My dearest Juju,

Happy 21st, my dear! I hope you're settling in decently, if not positively in Melbourne. I'm grateful for the many times you made me laugh with your antics back in school because honestly, sometimes that was about the only thing that made some of my very dreadful days at school. I thank God for blessing me with the privilege of being your friend and I marvel at how much we've grown over the last couple of years (physically apart yet oddly enough still together) and I miss you terribly! When I look at you, I'm always reminded to just be myself and no one else. Thanks for that. I Love You!

Dashi honey,

Happy 21st to you too! I hope you have an amazing year ahead. My life took quite a differnt turn the day I ended up sitting next to you in class waaaay back in Form1! And I wouldn't trade a minute of it. You definitely did bring in the whole shebang when you introduced me to the rest of the group! I sometimes still think (and would then instantly let out a laugh) about how you'd go around with the plastic ruler and I'm glad we've come a long way since then! I think you have one of the best smiles in town. Oh, and thanks for taking me to Mojo's that time, even though I was probably not very good company. I love you heaps, babe!

I hope you have a fantastic year this year and that God would give you the courage and strength to face your days, the patience to deal with people (crummy lecturers included) and the grace to live life to its fullest and in its abundance! I wish I wasn't so far away from y'all...

10 Things I HAVE To Do

2008-03-12T01:03:00.005+13:00

This is so that I remember what it is that I have to do and since I know for a fact that if I don't write it down somewhere in print, I will most definitely forget it....and these are things I can't afford to forget, largely because they would inevitably affect my grades (most of them anyway). Right now, this happens to be the best 'somewhere' to write this down. So, this is solely for my benefit and no one elses :)

Watch two short films before scriptwriting class for next week (check)
Readings for scriptwriting class (Nichols and Rabiger... who are authors by the way, not some scary disease)
Media Communication IIa readings
Watch 'My Son, the Architect' and/or 'In the land of the dead'
Email Neil and Sarah (check)
Update WORP (check)
Rewrite the music chart for Indescribable and email it to the team (check)
Call Vodafone and suss out stuff (check)
GET A JOB!
Start working on Corporate Community Video Proposal

I plan on finishing at least 5 of those things before the break of dawn so I'm gonna get right to it...after I've stepped out to make me a cuppa (but of course!)

So not the political kind but...

2008-03-05T23:30:00.002+13:00

I'm not one to dabble in political debates. I accept that as opinionated as I may be, I'm not well read enough to talk about political issues. Maybe part of my ignorance is because of my lack of interest...I mean, it's bad enough that I'm more often than not swamped with and overwhelming amount of workload (yes, I'm known to have a wee breakdown every now and then when things get a bit much); why would I want to spend the little time I have left reading up on who promised to bring down bus fares and abolish the dol as part of their election campaign (which may very well be something I made up for lack of a better example), or which candidate is dissing the president and making endless mentions about how once a Malay person draws out his keris, it must not go back into its sleeve without a good fight? I'd much rather spend time with my family and mates at the beach, or going out for a good 'ol fashion comical movie (because there's nothing quite like it- besides a nice glass of red wine- to unwind after a long and impossibly rainy day). Or better yet, curl up in my happy place and have a heart to heart with my Creator.

But, when the upcomming election is all everyone around you can talk about, especially those who know walnuts about politics, then it becomes worrying. When friends who usually say things like, "man, we Malaysian are so lucky we get to eat all kinds of food" suddenly say things like, "eh, I think we need to pray for Malaysians' wisdom to vote lah" then you KNOW the situation is not so hunky-dory. The thing is though, this country has always needed God and after 50 years, that fact has not changed. Yes, I dare say it's a fact and not a mere opinion. So yes, let's continue to pray that Malaysia votes wisely and that we will move the hand of God to turn the situation around because at this point in time, there really doesn't seem to be much else we can do aye? And I believe with all my heart that if we fervently seek Him, there will come a change that we've been waiting for. After all, God is God, isn't He?

Having said that, I realize that what I'm about to say next is absolutely contradictory to what I've just said. Why is it that we had to wait for all these years before people started to stand up for what they believe in? Why have we waited till now to raise our concerns and speak our minds? Malaysia has always had some sort of political unstability...we've all known it- the seemingly undivided races (but really racial unjustice is one of the biggest underlying problems of this country), the ability to seemingly have free will in worship (but really temples have been broken down and churches have been coerced into shutting down), the seemingly free speech democratic country (but really if you diss the Prime Minister, you better start running because the ISA just might be chasing you down). Why wait till now to bring this all out in the open? Why weren't the opposing parites as gungho before? When did Malaysian politicians start airing out thier dirty laundry to as far as London? Why is this all only happening now when we all KNOW these were issues that were there all along? Why?

...are questions I should probably do some research on before I come back with an answer. Like I said, I don't claim to be in tuned to the politics of this country and I may very well be saying complete and utter bullocks but I'm convinced that at least half of the questions I've raised are not all together wrong.

I am going to bed now and shall not worry my mind off about this because I have quite a long day tomorrow. i might come back with a better explanation for all of this...or not but that's not the point. The point I's like to make here is this: Malaysia, please uphold your leaders and countrymen in your prayers because, this is uproar is not about to dust itself off easily. Big challenges are brewing ahead and if this is not the time Malaysia needs God, then I don't know when is. Join hands and keep P.U.S.H-ing. Keep Praying Untill Something Happens!

2008-03-02T23:36:00.002+13:00

"Oh God, I want it bad...but I want YOU more!"

Movies I WANT to Watch...

2008-02-16T12:25:00.011+13:00

...in no particular order, except for the first three:

The Jane Austen Book Club (check)- I could only finish this in 5 seatings because it was THAT boring. Brilliant cast though, not so brilliant script sadly. My only consolation: Grigg.
The Other Boleyn Girl
P.S. I Love You (check)
Death at a Funeral (check)- And I highly recomend it; pardon the swearing if you're not too keen on scripts of that kind.
27 Dresses (check)
Definitely Maybe
Fools Gold
30 Days Of Night

...and just for the heck of it, because I like Nicole Kidman,

9. Margot at the Wedding

Also I really really really want to watch Sherrybaby and Gideon's Daughter. I should borrow the DVD.

I should borrow it soon. Before I go back to the routine of a student's life.

Why must all the good movies come out now? ok, granted, perhaps not all the movies are really good must-watch ones but still... Damn opposite seasons!

...of clothes and thoughts

2008-02-14T23:09:00.004+13:00

Oh my gosh! I've become one of those people who have an impulsive need to buy nearly everything I happen to like though I may not actually necessarily need it. Oh no, could it be? Have I (dare I say it) succumbed to the overpowering force of consumerism? I think I've become a...*gasp!* shoppaholic without even realizing it. I was cleaning out my wardrobe (because I finally decided to give mom's nagging skills a break and also because I wasn't sure where some of my clothes hitchiked to) and the whole time I was looking, folding, rolling those clothes, I asked myself, "where in the world did all this stuff come form??!" I had absolutely no idea exactly WHAT was in my wardrobe and worse, how some of them even got there to begin with!

It's a good thing mom didn't catch me saying out loud because she'd totally get all up in my grill about all those times I whined about not having enough clothes. In my defense though, I don't ALWAYS go shopping and when i do it's usually because I need those clothes. I guess I just hadn't realized the enormity of this "need" that I've collected over time.

"I should stop buying clothes for a while" is what I would say if I actually meant it but I don't...so I can't...which makes me an even bigger clothes addict. But then again, my addiction to shoes is ginormously (giganticaly enourmous) incomparable to my love for them clothes, although again, in my defense there are worst cases than me; case in point, my sister who came back from KL with 7 or 8 pairs of shoes compared to my measly 4 or 5 pairs.

I realize that this is something I never would have been caught saying 7 years ago (because as a kid, I would climb trees, go fishing, play football in bare feet and hang out with boys more often than girls). Heck, I never thought I'd actually say something like this. I'm still in no position to make snide remarks on dresses celebs wear everytime I watch the Oscars or Grammy's but sure have come a long way since my 'jeans and t-shirt, baggy pants and even bigger shirt' days...or so I like to think. My grandmother would have been proud, I'm sure, since she always had something to say about my fashion emsemble, particularly when attending Indian weddings.

I have nothing clever to say right now and so I shall stop here for now. But after writing this I realized something else. I need to start writing more. I've become rusty and am not as sharp and quick-witted as I used to be and I keep making silly typo-s.

Reflection

2008-02-12T10:33:00.000+13:00

Ok, so I'm back after a two month- long hiatus. I think all you holiday go-ers can totally relate when I say that although I'm glad to be back, I'm bummed that I couldn't stay longer.

In the two months that I was back in my homeland, here're some things I learned:

The political situation has deteriorated all the way down the drain and has been flushed out into the sea.

The whole 3 races living in harmony under in the same country is at large, overrated but on some small scale is still existent so there's still hope.

I'd never have alcohol at the clubs/bars/pubs (unless I'm in Langkawi or some kind sould decides to shout me some) because they're so flippin' expensive and I'm not prepared to shell out 20 bucks for a rum and coke...again!

I miss the theatre and I'm such a beach bum!

True mates are those with who you can instantaneously pick up where you left almost three years ago.

It's as amazing as it is scary to realize people whom you thought you knew so well are not the same and you have to spend time rediscovering them all over again...and THAT's the amazing part.

Singing in a band is one of the best feelings ever, eventhough it's not my own band.

I've missed Char Kwey Teow and Dim Sum.

God is ever faithful even though I constantly find myself screwing up.

I am LOVED!

And as I look back at the good times I've had these months, I realize that I have much to be thankful for, despite the fact that my life is not perfect. God is awesome because He saw me through my weakest of moments.

2007 took off slowly but once it went full throtle, it was nothing short of wonderful! I had quite a few firsts and lasts too so those were some good and not so good times to remember the year by. I'm glad my year ended the way it did.

And I certainly started off 2008 with a bang and I'm still on a high from all that energy and buzz! I reckon 2008 is going to be blast and a challenge to cope with at the same time but with God by my side guiding me, I think I'm gonna be alright =)

Dear God, I' commiting this year into your hands. Do with me as You will but I wish You'd let me know what it is that You have plans because You always have a way of throwing the randomest of things at me...a wee l'il heads-up every now and then would be nice. I know I can be quite stuborn at times but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to listen. I pray You'd help me because I sometimes struggle to obey You wholeheartedly. I pray for my mates too; may you keep them safe and guide their hearts to do right by You. I love you and I thank You for everything that you've blessed me with. Amen.

I want...

2008-01-25T04:44:00.000+13:00

...TO GO BACK TO LANGKAWI!

I want to go back and bum on the beach the whole day! I want, I want, I WANT!

Man, can't believe I'm going home in less than two weeks!

Too Good To Be True

2007-12-28T22:45:00.000+13:00

I knew it is NEVER as easy as people say it is when it comes to dealing with the government. I thought I'd give them the benefit of the doubt, you know, since I've not been back to this country in over a year- hoping they'd somehow come to terms with their tardiness and pick up slack. But, I'm happy to laugh in your face and tell you, "HAH! nothing has changed!"

I wonder what is the whole point of having a microchip embedded in your ID card if it doesn't have ALL your information keyed into the big system. I had a name-change about two years ago (also due to the incompetency of the government- particularly the Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara). Logically thinking if I had a state-of-the-art changgih-fied ID card that hold ALL my personal details, then this information should be included in as well...right? I mean, seriously, would someone tell me if I've got it all wrong? Now I can't renew my passport without going all the way back to the rego department in wait for it, Putrajaya to get a letter authenticating the name-change! I can't believe I've to take the fall for their incompetencies and screw-ups! As Always.

Ok, so I'm venting my frustration. I'm sure I'll be okay in a couple days. Seriously though, I had a hunch it was gonna be a bad day as soon as mom said we were going to face this government. All I can say is these numbnuts better not send me on another wild goose chase when I go to Putrajaya to get that bloody letter!

2007-12-17T00:51:00.000+13:00

I've just been too lazy to blog...so lazy that all I long to do to is go back to Mickey's and watch House with Ju and her...I've become such a homebody for the last one week and it's not even been in my own home to be a homebody in!

But on a side note, it felt absolutely amazing to catch up with my girlfriends and just be able to be myself again, without having to bother about "behaving myself". I've missed that.

Thank God, Thank God, Thang-God!

2007-12-12T04:14:00.001+13:00

THANK YOU LORD!!!

Skip. Hop. Run down the street (not naked!). Scream. Shout for joy. WOO-HOO!!!

Reason? I did so much better than I expected for my Video Production paper! My first A-grade paper! Nevermind the fact that the rest were like, B-minuses; I suppose I can't have it all, can I? There has to be some part of it that's not as satisfying and so I will admit that I'm not the brightest star around. But to be fair, those other papers were theoretical and factual ones; I'm not wired to always remember every single fact about the New Zealand media industry- only the ones that matter. So really, I am a wee bit guttered that I didn't score as high for those papers but then again, I console myself by saying they're not the determining papers.

That said, however, I'm not about to slack off on those kinds of papers. Hopefully I'd do better next year. But for now, I'm perfectly content and quite happy with basking in my little victory in just that one paper.

Thank You, God! Trully!

You KNOW You're Back In Kuala Lumpur When:

2007-12-06T04:08:00.000+13:00

You feel the heat wave wash over you as soon as you step out of the airPLANE (note: I didn't say airPORT)

You're able to have a "maggi goreng" at 11pm at your neighbourhood "mamak stall"

Your aunties fuss over what to cook for you because they KNOW you've missed good 'ol Malaysian Indian cuisine

You drive around and all you see is highways, cars, more cars and resultantly heavier traffic

Malls are your hangout spots (as opposed to beaches and mountains and parks and farms)

You wake up and go to bed at ungodly hours for the first few days (eg: Sleep at 8pm and wake up at 4am) Note: I'm making progress now though...I woke up at 7.30am today

One shower a day is not enough =)

The smell of raw fish greets you at the entrance of morning markets.

Your "la's" come back to you instantly upon arriving at the airport =)
You can depend on your friends to order your dim sum dishes ;) Thanks girls!

Oh, and on a side note, my now three year old niece is speaking in full sentences! And now that she can, she just wouldn't stop talking altogether! (not that it isn't oh-so-adorable)

But despite that, it certainly DOES feel great to be back!

Mr. BIG!

2007-11-26T11:10:00.000+13:00

I've always known that the God I serve is a big God. And just two weeks ago, I took a little trip down south to Wellington for a conference and then detoured to New Plymouth (out west of New Zealand's north island) and I had a whoa-God-is-SO-big moment throughout the drive. I saw magnificent mountains, breathtaking seaviews, beyond awesome beaches, rip-roaring waves crashing over rocks and I stood in absolute awe as I looked at Mount Taranaki and Mount Ruapehu in all its glory. At night, I could literally feel the blanket of stars wrap around me as I looked up from the field. I've not seen THAT many stars all at once in the longest time!

And to this that God created all this AND MORE...in less than a week! I'm convinced that HE is indeed a BIG God- a God that cannot and will not be boxed; a God that not only created this huge universe and all that's in it (seriously, HE's got a name for every possible star in the universe!) but is also a God that lives in me and who loves me enough to want to have a relationship with me; A God that knows me and sees me for who I am and still wants to forgive me despite the many times I've hurt Him. I do trully serve a magnificent God!

I finally understand the meaning of the word "breathtaking". I honestly could not breathe for a few heartbeats, just standing in absolute wonder at God's handy work! Man, I think everyone who has the chance to visit New Zealand should seize it, it'll be worth it. I LOVE New Zealand for its raw and untouched beauty. Let's hope it stays this way...

Oh, and on another note, I'm flying back to Malaysia for the Summer and I'm sooooo excited! *does a little happy jig*

Emotions Within

2007-10-17T22:20:00.000+13:00

Joy: the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation; a state of happiness or felicity.

Perfect: excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement; entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings.

Passion: any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling; a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything.

* Picture and meanings courtesy of Gettyimages and Dictionary.com respectively :)

Holding My Head in My Hands...

2007-10-09T10:40:00.000+13:00

...and breathing. Just...breathing. Gosh, it's been one rollercoaster of a week, but it all came to an end at 3.30p.m yesterday when I filled up my cover sheet, bounded the essay together and tossed it into the assignment box (with such flair if I do say so myself!). "Wendy's" and "sleep" were the only two words my mind could process as meaning. Well, "run", "shout", "top of the building", "badminton", "guitar", "bass" and "flatmate" were in there somewhere too but those two were the prominent ones! You know, it's like that feeling you get when you ask someone out on a first date and he says yes; you just wanna jump up and click your heels and run around the street hugging absolute strangers, singing your heart out for the sheer joy you just can't contain. That is exactly how I felt yesterday. "Finally", I thought, no more Red Bull. No more flat whites with an extra shot (or 2) of espresso. No more stepping on peoples' toes. No more falling asleep to the thought of which assignments to do when I wake up. No more weird dreams of referencing (APA style). NO MORE!

That is not to say that Im completely rid of assignments though. I've 2 more practical pieces to work on in the coming weeks and let's not forget the "be all" of all ends-of-semesters: Finals. But my consoling thought is the fact that Summer is in sight and so is my trip back home, where I can finally have those long awaited "pasta and beer" nights with my girls. As I've just typed that out, I sudenly thought of what next year might have in store. But that thought has fleeted as instantaneously as it has entered. I'll worry about next year when next year comes. "Baby steps, Naveena" is what my mom always says. For I know my God will sustain me through the weeks to come. Thanks for not letting me crack under preassure these few weeks.

2007-10-09T10:21:00.000+13:00

On a lighter note, Char discovered this awesome new Malaysian Cafe in Newmarket and has been wanting to go there. So when we finally made a date with each other to check out that place, Steph decided she'd come along. Had a wee little trouble finding the place but when the menu was brought to our table, we decided it was worth the trouble. And then the food came; now I know why Char was so keen on going there. The food was a-MAY-zing! I kid you not when I say I felt like I was transported back to one of the "makan spots" in Gurney Drive, Penang! All those of you who live in the city should definitely pay that place a visit. Will post up the address next time. For now...this is proof:

Pan Men (please Spellcheck)

Curry Mee (the curry is seriously out of this world! Ok, out of New Zealand maybe...)

Hainan Chicken Rice

This is not just any tea; it's TEH TARIK!

Of Comfy PJ's and Comfy-er (I know it's not in the dictionary) Flatties

2007-09-30T21:58:00.000+13:00

So I'm finally sitting down to do my long over due readings (well, I will once I've posted this entry); Readings that were meant to be completed during my holidays about two weeks ago; Reaadings that WILL cost me my grade should I decide to tell them to take a hike; Reaadings that are quite gruelling; Readings that drone on and on...AND ON about New Zealand media policies and politics; Readings that I absolutely have to finish before Wednesday, lest I flunk the assignment that's due a week from now.

I sit here with my comfy shorts and my favorite stripped long-sleved t-shirt ater a nice shower, smelling of lavander. My hair pulled back with a pink gripper that make some of the shorter strands fall on my face, and my black square-framed glasses sitting loosely above my nose. And with all my colored pens and highlighters, I am ready to take on this challenge. The plan is to finish two out of the eight readings I have before I get to bed tonight. Will it be possible? I'm not sure; Will it be absolutely positively dreadful? Not all of it I hope, but I'm still optimistic that it's do-able; Will I try and get this challenge under my belt? You bet your bedroom slippers I am!

Oh, and I should also peobably mention that I've a well fed-now-I-can-concerntrate stomach now. It was just one of those nice Sundays where both my flatmates and I were home so we had dinner together- definitely not something we do often enough because of our whack time-tables. You know, this is one of the very many moments I treasure about this flat. I've two beyond amazing girls with whom I share it with and let me tell you, that makes ALL the difference! Oh, and because I'm the youngest, I can bring out the child in me a little more often and get away with it....or so I like to think!

Ok, ok. So, here I go! Media Comm, I shalt conquer thee...even if it's the last thing I do!

Blessed Be Your Name

2007-09-23T15:15:00.000+12:00

This song has been the recurring theme for me these past few weeks (again). I was just sharing with a dear friend of mine today how I finally understand the meaning of this song and when we sang it at church today, with all my heart, every fiber of my being cried out the words to this song- such resonance! Truly, it's always easier to praise God and be thankful when things go right. But when calamaties (hope I spelt that right) strike, when your world suddenly begins to fall apart and pulvarizes into a million different pieces, it becomes very hard to still give thanks and praise Him. You start to question Him and what exactly is it that He's trying to do. For those of you who have suffered losses and been in a situation where faith and hope seems frail, you'll know what I mean. But then you learn to still trust Him because you know He knows what's best. And so, you (or rather I) still bless His name.

This is the full words to the song (refer to previous post). And sorry, I got the lyricist wrong in the last post. It's not Chris Tomlin:

Blessed Be Your Name (by Matt Redman)

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

Great is Thy Faithfulness

2007-09-12T16:08:00.000+12:00

You'd be pleased to know that I actually won the war (refer to previous post) and came out well and kicking at the other end, no thanks to that stupid "Diflam Forte"! Turns out, all I really needed were paracetamol are razene to do the trick. Oh, and nearly a dozen lemon-flavoured Throaties which one of my flatmates was so awesome to get me some =)

But that's really not the point of this post. My post today is to celebrate my God's goodness, nay, FAITHFULNESS to me. See, for the longest time, I thought He'd forgotten all about me and left me to cry in the corner somewhere. And just when I thought things couldn't get worse, He took one of my uncles away from me. An uncle I didn't quite get to say goodbye to; an uncle who thought me how to play the first few bars of 'Silent Night' on the harmonica; an uncle who despite his short temper, I still loved and appreaciated; an uncle who made my 12th or 13th Christmas one of the best memories ever; an uncle I so wish I got to spend more time with. My dearest uncle Edwin. I was mad at God for taking him away so soon. I was even more mad at the fact that I left with the complete assurance that I would be back this year to see him and spend time with him. And now I will never have that. I think I'm finally realizing the enormity of loosing him as I write this...

But I also believe that things happen for a reason. I don't mourn his going-away because I don't want to remember him like that. I want to remember him as he was on my 13th Christmas. That is how I want to always remember him. I'm not mad at God no more. I don't know why He had to take my Uncle Edwin but I know. I guess sometimes He takes away in order to make room for another thing He wants to give...my heart will still bless His name

It's like that song by Chris Tomlin:
"You give and take away
You give and take away;
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name"

So, no, He hasn't forgotten me. Just when I'm about to let out yet another cry of frustration, He renews my faith in Him by showing me His faithfulness. My God is a faithfull God. I now know.

I'm At War...

2007-08-23T12:21:00.000+12:00

...for the second time this month with Mr. Sore-throat and Ms. Influenza. This time however, I think I'm gonna win becasause I've these fellas on my side:

The pharmacist said it's a seven-day battle so hopefully I come out on the winning side then.

I will blog about something more thought-provoking/insightful and of better content during the holidays when the madness of this "war" and my assignments are over. But for now, this is all I can manage..

Look Out Auckland City!

2007-08-19T23:01:00.001+12:00

...and I'd like to apologize in advance for being a pain on the road. You should know I would not have done that intentionally =)

Bus Stop Sales

2007-08-14T09:33:00.000+12:00

I was walking along Britomart (kinda like the Pasar Seni of Auckland City, except perhaps a wee more organized) the other day with one of my flatemates when I came across this on one of those floor spotlight thingamajigies:
The idea of this is basically, when the lights go on, the shape of that l'il bat will be reflected onto the of the bus stop. I thought it was a clever promotion...made me wonder if the local television networks go through this much 'trouble' to promote the shows they air on TV. I've not been back to KL in a while so I can't say for sure.

Oh, this was done by Television New Zealand, by the way (the equivalant to Malaysia's RTM).

Easy Silence

2007-08-11T03:27:00.000+12:00

The view from my inner city appartment. I will sorely miss this place and the 2 people who make this flat even more special!

It's been ages I know, I know! Truth is, with so much work to be done (and the semester has just begun a month ago!) it's been so easy to not blog despite the many events that have happend in these few months. But, I'm not about to spend this little space with this whole I've-been-busy rigmarole.

I'm not going to say much either. I will leave you with this little thought I have though: Songwriting is an art that very few people have. Wait; let me rephrase that: GOOD songwriting is an art very few people have been blessed with. That said, I think Rebecca St. James and Brooke Fraser are probably two of the best writers around. I'm amazed at how such simple words speak so profoundly to my heart. I think what makes it so meaningful is the fact that they sing their own songs- personal interpretation just totally adds to it. This is really true when I listen to songs that make me go, "that's exactly how I feel, right there!"

A few weeks ago, my Radio lecturer asked everyone in my class if there was a band or song that describes us, what would it be. I wish I had Rebecca St. James' If I Had One Chance To Tell You Something because that's me right there; the whole album! I find it funny (not funny "ha-ha") and quite amazing at the same time. It feels good to know I'm not alone in this world; that there is at least one other person who identifies with me, or rather I identify with- since she had it in her to pen down her thoughts and make it into a well-selling (if that's even a phrase) record at that!

p.s: The blue and yellow thing sticking out at the far left in the picture above is Auckland's pride and joy: The Sky Tower. I want to bungee jump from the mid point some day- before my 25th birthday.

Anger Management

2007-05-29T12:00:00.000+12:00

If you've been a university or college student long enough, you would have, at one point or another, come to realize that the social circles run very differently as compared to high school. In high school, it's fairly simple to put almost every individual into various categories and box them up into streotypical social groups. Such groups include the athletes, beauty queens, cheerleaders, bitches, geeks, football/basketball teams, the 'emo' people, the ones who need a boost in their self-esteem and a whole lot of other sub categories that I can't seem to think of at the moment but am sure exist. Then there certain elite individuals that eventually become a brand of their own like the leading man of the soccer/rugby/basketball team and the captain of the cheerleading squad or the high school slut. You should know that I'm just expressing an opinion with no prior research on this matter as I came from a high school in the East. The above statements are made solely from the knowlege of what the media has fed me over the years.

Anyway, back to where I was. Things change when you move on to university. All those little circles link hands and become three big circles: the really academically brilliant ones, the slightly above average ones (I like to think I fall in this category) and my personal dislike, the ones who just couldn't give a rat's ass about what happens. The last kind is the worst because in matters pertaining to group work, they're the ones who, *insert suitable adjective here* the crap out of you? (I don't know how to say it politely!)

Unfortunately, I've had the "pleasure" of working with some of these fellas and let me tell you, patience? Not an easy Feat! The idea that they can be so irresponsible and not turn up for appointments and (what I hate the most) not answer messages/calls is beyond my comprehension! Honestly, I'm so over wroking in groups! Over it! I'm silently praying that karma will bite them back in the ass real hard. I know it's mean of me to do that but seriously, I wish they'd just establish thier lack of propriety early on in the assignment so I know they're not dependable and do something about it sooner.

I was so amazed at how angry I was with a certain partner of mine. I remember how my girlfriends in high school use to joke that I walked aound as if there was a little thunder cloud with a lightning bolt above my head. It's been almost 6 years since I felt like that....till yesterday. I swear, I would not have hesitated to shoot this person had I a gun and that's when I realized the enormity of my anger. Right then, I realized if it happened again, I just may have to go for anger management sessions. Yeah, it was THAT bad and I'm in no way trying to blow it out of proportion. The only saving grace this person had was his really gorgeous eyes- the kind that just might make you go weak in the knees if you stare into it long enough...which is why I almost never look him in the when we're talking.

God, please grant me the patience to deal with these people, the will to control my anger that I will not say something I will later regret, the courage to tell them how I feel and the strength to sustain me through the week.

Do. Something.

2007-05-24T11:55:00.001+12:00

I don't know if I'm saying what I'm about to say because television drama has got the best out of me. Perhaps He intentionally authored this chapter of my life that I would be almost forced to go back to Him and have that long impending chat I promised Him a while back. But anyway, back to what I am about to say: If you are an avid follower of the recent Hollywood invention that took the TV world by storm with its intriguing plot and critical acclaim, not to mention certain characters who are, how shall I say, very easy on the eyes...I'm sure you know the now dead Isacc Mendez of 'Heroes' who had the ability to paint the future (forget the fact that he needed to get all high to do that).

Many times this past weeks, I have been made to question how sure am I of my direction in life and wish Mendez's fictional being extended to the reality of my world so he would paint me a picture of my future- let me know if I'm on the right path. And if I'm not then at the very least I would have had the chance to do it over and get it right the next time. I wish Mendez would paint me what it is that will happpen to me in the next 20 years (I'm not even asking for my whole lifetime). I'd even pay for the canvas, paints and brushes! I am aware that art supplies aren't exactly the cheapest things around. (this is where you're supposed to laugh in case you didn't get it) Just tell me what the future holds for me.

Will I become the television producer and director I've always wanted to become? Should I even be DOING television? Maybe I should be persuing my initial dream of wanting to become a journalist and write those "hit 'em where it hurts" kind of pieces about war, abject poverty, corruption, greed, so-called democracy, etc. I used to think that if I became a journalist, I could make a difference- make people see that some people's comfort and happiness doesn't have to cost someone else thiers. That no matter where on earth we are born, we are still equal and that the color of our skin or the clothes we wear or the place we come from don't dictate our place in society.

But somewhere along the way, I lost sight of that dream. Somewhere along the way, people kept telling me that I could write about the things that matter all I wanted, till the cows came home, but the world will always be the same. Somewhere along the way, I decided that I was going to kill that dream. But perhaps I could still revive that dream, still persuing a career in television. After all, it is still under the same umbrella of mass-media, no?

All these questions and not many (if any!) answers. From little things like, 'Should I study abroad for a semester next year' or 'is the weather gonna go all crazy again today' or 'what do I wear to uni' to bigger ones like, 'should I find a job right after graduation' or 'should I take a few years off to work for an NGO' or 'will my paper qualification be of any help to me if I want to work with kids in Rwanda or India' to life altering questions like, 'will I be 35 and still single and alone' or 'is there actually going to be a Mr. Man in the picture' and 'will I have this Mr. Man to go home to and rest my head on his lap and whine about the terrible day that I had but it's all much better now because he's here' or 'will there be little Mr. Mans and Naveenas around'. Ok, so maybe I should stop watching telly drama, but still...you get the picture?

The point is, I don't know if I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing to secure a happy future. I'm not sure. I have hope but I'm not sure. I know you could easily point out that none of us are ever sure about the future and that's what makes it the future. I know you would if you knew me well enough. You would slap me on the arm and tell me to just trust God and have faith. You would tell me to stop complaining and live in the 'now' rather than the 'future' because life is too short to worry about tomorrow. But truth is, I honestly think it's much easier said than done. It's actually quite a scary word, that one- FUTURE.

God, I want to trust You. I want to trust that everything will be okay because You say that plans You have for my future are plans to prosper and not harm me. I want to believe that you know where the end of the road is for me, because You have better foresight than I ever will. Lord, I want to have complete faith in You. I. want. to.

But I can't. I'm having trouble in that area because You're not giving me any sign of it all being okay. I'm have a problem with You making me wait because You're not doing anything to help with my certainty. Lord, I need you to show me something. Anything. Just show. me. something. I know You're working on me and that Your hand is always on my life, but right now, I need You to do something to show me it's going to be alright. You know my needs and wants and You've heard my questions (I KNOW YOU HAVE! Don't deny it). Now I need you to help me figure it out. I'm here at your feet asking You to help me figure this out. Do Something. It's all I ask. That You would please just do. something.

I am Waiting

2007-05-19T20:56:00.000+12:00

I am a strong independant woman (who's still just a girl at times) who will wait upon God to bring me the man He has chosen for me. I will be patient and wait for Him to bring him to me and I will (try to) accept the fact that perhaps either him or me aren't ready for each other and I so I will wait...so help me God.

Now, all I have to do is keep reciting this and I'll be fine.

Or so I hope.

Not so Much the Baby Anymore

2007-04-30T23:33:00.000+12:00

This is the girl that was to be born a boy....or so the pediatrician thought. I guess God had other plans.

This is the little person that use to steal wooden spoons and ladles, pretending she was Nigela Lawson. She can't cook to save her life!

This is the brat that turned my world upside down when she arrived at the hospital, sucking her fingers even before anyone else saw her in the baby room. Now, she's not so much the irritant she used to be.

This is my sister, Petrina. A plan constucted 15 years ago and is still His working progress.

Happy Birthday, Bee! Love you heaps!

Everywoman- Apostasy

2007-04-27T23:30:00.001+12:00

I was appaled by this thing I saw on Youtube. I will neither comment nor make blind statements just because I've not done a thorough research on this matter. Do watch it and tell me what you think. I WILL give my two cents when I take a breather after my essays and presentations...in about two weeks. By then, this case may already have been resolved...oh well.

And tommorow, I'll try and post up some pictures of my holiday; just so you know this blog is still active =)

Till then, here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgnncfYRPxk

Bad, Bad Naveena

2007-03-21T09:09:00.000+12:00

It's that time again- that time of the semester where suddenly spring cleaning your room becomes something you HAVE to do today, even though it's autmn now. Suddenly, you realize you haven't caught up with so many friends and you go blog surfing just to see what they've been up to. Then there are all these TV shows that are suddenly so interesting you can't take your eyes off the idiot box, when previously those very same shows would put you to sleep.

Yes, folks. It's that time of the semester for me- assignments are coming to their deadlines and as usual, I've barely started. I was gonna pull and all-nighter to finnish one yesterday, but after a walk along the infamous K'road (don't ask me what I was doing there and no, I wasn't drinking), I decided against it and went to bed at 10pm, thinking I will have an early start today, but here I am- blogging. Gosh, I'm so bad, aren't I? Normally finnishing an assignment 2 days before the given deadline would be perfectly normal for me. But there's a catch this time; I've another paper due two days right after at 10am.

So, here's to a long day and an even longer night. I should probably buy a bottle of instant coffee...or I could just pop by the cafe 5 minutes away and get one to go. But for now, I think black tea would have to suffice, Earl Grey, no less =)

Cheers!

Home and Away

2007-03-18T07:38:00.000+12:00

I moved out of my father's house and into my own appartment yesterday. In the words of a friend, this is "one big step for Naveena, one giant leap for Indian-kind", you know, because I moved out before getting married. For those of you who find this difficult to understand, let me put it this way; It's unusual t move out of your parents' house before you get married in the Indian culture and unless they disown you, there really is no need (or to some no WAY) to live n your own.

That said, I myself had to face the huge hurdle of convincing them that it would be better off letting me go (there was plenty of crying on my part and initial disapproving looks on their part). I must have done a decent job at it because, here I am in my stark cold appartment room. It was suppsed to be one of the happiest day of my life but instead, I felt like everyone else's misery was gathered up and dropped on me like a ton of bricks. Not so good an analogy but whatever. I mean, independance is supposed to be a good thing. Someone else also told me if I could help get her 25 year-old son out of her house! She reckons it's a good thing. And she is right. I know she is. But I'm not so sure I made the right choice.

Don't get me wrong, I'm loving the fact that I now don't have to drag myself out of bed at 5.30am for an 8am class. The library is just minutes away. All I have to do is step out of the appartment and the whole city is mine for the taking. I can do anything at virtually any time I please. But as I layed on my big white bed, starring at at my lava lamp trying to fall asleep, I couldn't help but feel a little bit like crap. It doesn't help that I'm not too happy about my appartment either. It felt more like a cold hotel room rather than an actual homey (if that's even a word!) personal space. Perhaps I should look for another place, but then again it's only been a couple of days.

Only time will tell. For now though, Micheal Buble's "Home" echoes in my mind, every word of it. Let me go home. I've got to come home.

None but Jesus

2007-03-10T15:26:00.000+13:00

It's been a while since I had a listen to anything new from Hilsong United, only because I have not bought anything new. So today, when I got my hands on their "United we Stand" album I was psyched! Super late, I know...and there was this one song in particular that just gripped me. It's a faily simple song but the words were so powerful. Well, I thought so anyway. You know, it's just one of those songs that you can't explain just what IT is but IT is just there. thought I'd post it up here. I absolutely recomend buying the album- really awesome set of songs!

In the quiet, in the stillness

I know that You are God

In the secret of Your presence

I know there I am restored

When You call I won’t refuse

Each newday again I’ll choose

There is no one else for me

None but Jesus

Crucified to set me free

Now I liveto bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion

Iknow You’re Sovereign still

In the moment of my weakness

You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won’t delay

This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord

All of my hope, all of my strength

All my delight is in You Lord

Forevermore!

None but Jesus, Hilsong United, 2006 (I think)

Lessons and a Beautiful Stranger

2007-03-09T18:41:00.000+13:00

Gosh, I can't believe it's already the third month of the year! Excuse the cliched and over-used phrase but seriously, I'm still getting over the new year and my course, let alone the month! I had an intense week and I learnt a few important lessons.

The first being that one of the most important rule in TV land is NEVER FORGET TO HAVE AT LEAST 5 SCONDS OF PRE-ROLE before and after a shot! Either I didn't bother to pay attention in class, or nobody told me that; I'm banking on the latter =) As a result, post production was a huge problem- I'd rather not bother with the details- and come submission, all I can say is I didn't like the final outcome that we handed in. I think it may very well be grade altering. It was an expensive lesson which I don't intend to repeat. EVER! Better now than in the middle of my first career defining movie I suppose...but I'd like to sulk about it a little more. I'm not ready to move on just yet. Perhaps at the end of the week. Perhaps in a few more hours. Perhaps.

But, on a totally different note, I did something I never thought I'd ever do. See, I've always been a wee bit shy when it comes to meeting total strangers. It's usually no more than an acquaintanceship (yes, it IS a word; I checked!) and it takes me quite a while to move past that into the friendship stage. However, I was at the movies the other day by myself when I was walking away from the ticket counter after purchasing "Notes on a Scandal" (bad movie; I wonder how it received nominations at the recent awards season). There was this someone who was pacing the lobby, clearly still undecided on what he was going to watch. From a simple "not sure what to watch?", we snowballed into a nearly 2 hour conversation about nothing and (almost) everything at the same time. I was blown away by the fact that I actually held up a chat for so long with a total and complete stranger; a regular passer-by. Apparently, he was too. I surprised myself. It was a good surprise though.

Life really is filled with little surprises that come every now and again. I think it's these little surprises that make all the difference in the world. On that note, have a super weekend while I become a total geek for another weekend. I've plenty of readings to catch up on, which will prove to be quite challenging seeing as how I was so looking forward to putting my feet up and sipping wine and having some downtime this weekend...

Jesus and Anna Nicole Smith

2007-03-01T21:37:00.000+13:00

I'm sure many of you would have heard about the whole James Cameron finding Jesus' coffin shebang. I was of course, personally really skeptical about it, as I always am about issues like this. For those of you who have no idea what this is all about, allow me to shed some light. James Cameron has aparently made documentary, claiming that he has foun Jesus' remains, alog with those of Mary Magdeline and a little baby, Judah, who was alegedly the son of Jesus.

Today, while I was on my way home from university after a bitch of day, I heard something on the radio that totally made my day, in regards to this issue. One of the disc jockeys played an excerpt from a recent Jay Leno Show. This is what Jay Leno said (well, not verbatim, but something along these lines)

"Apparently they can do a DNA test and prove that Jesus was the father of this child. I mean, ... (really)...they can't even determine who the father of Anna Nicole Smith's child is!"

And that just totally made me laugh out loud...before realizing I probably looked like a lunatic sitting in a bus-load of people smiling like a crazy person. Oh well, but it was so worth it. I reckon it was the best thing I heard all day, and beleve me, I DID hear a lot of things!

It never ceases to amaze me how people are always trying to disprove the fact that Jesus is not who He says He is. Why?

2007-02-21T21:59:00.000+13:00

I am a university student.

I am contented with my field of choice.

I am doing my Bachlor's Degree in Comunication Studies.

I am a television major.

I am loving every minute of it.

Life is amazingly beautiful!

Cupid Should be Fired!

2007-02-18T21:43:00.000+13:00

So, I went blog surfing again- I thought I'd savour my last moments of "freedom" by avoiding doing anything that required me to leave my little palace. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Naveena is finally going back to university after a very very (I cannot stress the word enough!) long break- 6 months to be exact. By george, I swear NEVER to take such a break again. EVER! And so shall begin my journey of becoming a Bachelor of Communication graduate, a television major.

Anyway, back to what I wanted to say, I was blog surfing and I noticed a common thread that ran along those blogs- dissing Valentine's Day and how overrated it's become. Personally, I am all up for the dissing. I mean, for one thing Cupid has been sleeping on his job. Either that, or he's been too stoned to aim those arows where they SHOULD go. Why? Take a peep at the divorce rates in the country and you'll know what I'm talking about. Someone said I should take one of his arrows and shoot it right to his ass- because I apparently have a good aim- so he'll get a taste of his own medicine. Perhaps I should. But that would mean I'd have to find him, which frankly is something I don't want to bother doing.

Then there's this whole red roses and a box of chocolates enchilada. Seriously, why anyone would spend an obscenely large ammount of money on those things, which we all know is half its price a mere 24 hours before and after, is really beyond my comprehension. And while we're at it, let's throw in the "fancy" dinner at a "fancy" restaurant scenario; you know, the one with 50 other couples starring into each others' eyes, ALL saying the same thing, ALL extremely aware that their meals are rediculously overpriced. All this just to impress him/her? Gosh, if I had a boyfriend, he'd be the luckiest fellow because he wouldn't have to bother with that hassle!

Now, having said all that, I have to say that I'm not one of those bitter will-grow-old-and-become-the-cat-lady-in-the-appartment-next-door kind of girl either. In fact, if anything, I'm quite the hopeless romantic. I cried watching A Walk to Remember and The Notebook so that should give you an affirmation =). Allow me to paint you a picture of what I think is the best Valentine's would be:

Place: In a park. Actually, even the couch in the living room would do.
Menu: Spaghetti (because it's comfort food and doesn't take much to prepare) and wine (or beers if you're on a low budget, or champagne if you are feeling particularly generous)
Flower of choice: Daisies or White Lilies
...and a bar of Cadbury Old Gold dark chocolate- without that silly red heart-shaped box.

It's not at all fancy or fashionable or whatever it is you want to call it. I don't care, really. As cliche as this sounds, to me, it is all about the person. I could be stuck in traffic with a very bad selection of songs playing on the radio for all I care but so long as I'm with him, I don't really care. I don't. Seriously. I don't.

So, my point is that Valentine's is sooo not about the overpriced menu or the roses or the heart-shaped boxes or trying to impress the other person. I can understand why many people think it's overrated. It's all about the other person, or at least it should be. It shouldn't be a competition about who can make the other feel more special. It's about just being there and wholy present, spending time with the other person. And if I had that special someone, I'd make the effort to do this at least once a month, not just the 14th of February.

Oh, and I'm fully aware that it's waaay past the 14th of February. My point, I believe, is all the more substantiated. I rest my case.

Tomorrow is a new day, a new year, a new semester, a new begining to fix all that I've stuffed up in the past. More on this another day.

The Smell of Green

2007-02-05T12:26:00.001+13:00

I learned someting new today: how to use the lawn mower. Back home (yeah, somehow I can't seem to shake of the fact that home is no longer Kuala Lumpur), I never had much of a lawn to mow- all I had was this green patch of unruly grass growing that we refered to as our "garden". But now, ah, now is a different story altogether. So anyway, I thought I'd give Daddy a break this week since he was helping me fix my curtains and let me tell you, mowing the lawn is NOT a piece of cake. But I actually found myself having a wee bit of fun against all odds. Okay, so it wasn't as bad as I had pictured it to be.

So, about 45 minutes later, I stood at the end of the lawn and breathed in the pride of my work. It was one of the best smells ever: the smell of freshly cut grass plus my great achievement. This, my friends, is the smell of green.

I think I shall give it another go sometime soon.

10 things I've Come to Love

2007-01-31T12:45:00.000+13:00

The colors red and purple
The smell of clean laundry- fresh out of the dryer
Having pasta and beers with my girlfriends (gosh, I wish we could do this more often)
The smell of freshly cut grass
Peanut butter and banana sandwich
The TV show 'Lost'
Skirts and black T-shirts
The smell of hot pancakes in the morning
Bunderberg ginger beer (I hated ginger beer of any kind- with an absolute passion)
The fact that I'm not playing the game of life alone (the ambiguity is intended, sorry)

I am beginning to see that happiness is not just about getting the best things in life that money can buy; it's being able to have time for the simple pleasures in life and having amazing all-the-money-in-the-world-can't-buy intercontinental friendships.

Defining My 20s With a Song

2007-01-26T13:40:00.000+13:00

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined

I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines

We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

I Can't Believe I Was Awake Watching This

2007-01-24T03:29:00.000+13:00

So, I was awake, along with perhaps 70% of the Hollywood population and 7% of its journalists, to see who got nominated for what category of this year's Oscars, though they were probably not as relaxed as me. They were probably glued to their idiot boxes (they very medium in which thousands of others get glued to their idiot boxes watching them) anxiously waiting to see if their names were up for nominations and who they were competing against.

No, I didn't set my alarm for this. I couldn't sleep is all. Frankly, I couldn't care much about the announcement ceremony or whatever it is they call it. If anything, I'd just watch the delayed (not even live) telecast of the actual night. I personally would much rather watch the Grammys for the simple fact that it's heck of a lot more entertaining but I'm in no way belittling Hollywood award shows. It's just a personal preference.

So, at 2.30 in the morning, and here I am watching Salma Hayek punching in the air going, “YES!” at the announcement of Penelope Cruise being nominated for best actress for her role in Volver.

What do I have to say about the nominations in general? Well, I'm glad Meryl Streep was up for her superb performance in The Devil Wears Prada, though I think the movie as a whole was nothing much to shout about. She however, was a-may-zing- the only reason that made my 8 bucks worth while. Also, I reckon it's about time they included Kate Winslet in for an award. I've always thought she did good work. It's hard to say if she'll bag it seeing as how she's competing with really great actors, but then again, who's to say, ey?

The fact that Helen Miren, Jennifer Hudson, Kate Blanchet, Kate Winslet, Will Smith and Leonardo DeCaprio are all in the list means I should go watch these movies. Only then will I dare to say anything else. I should probably see for myself what the hype is all about.
I thought blogging about this might get me sleepy but no! I'm still WIDE AWAKE!!! Gosh, now what am I gonna do? I need to sleep! Should I take a pill or something? I mean, I don't know WHY I'm still awake...

Little Boxes made of Ticky-Tacky

2007-01-15T22:59:00.000+13:00

This song has been on my "most played" list recently: Little Boxes by Malvina Reynolds. It's a really old song though I only heard it probably about three days ago. It's basically a mockery, if I may, about the perfection and idealism of Suburbia and I just find it absolutely hilarious! Do have a listen when you have the chance. Meanwhile, here's now it goes:

Little boxes on the hillside,

Little boxes made of ticky-tacky,

Little boxes, little boxes,Little boxes, all the same.

There's a green one and a pink one

And a blue one and a yellow one

And they're all made out of ticky-tacky

And they all look just the same.

And the people in the houses

All go to the university,

And they all get put in boxes,

Little boxes, all the same.

And there's doctors and there's lawyers

And business executives,

And they're all made out of ticky-tacky

And they all look just the same.

And they all play on the golf-course,

And drink their Martini dry,

And they all have pretty children,

And the children go to school.

And the children go to summer camp

And then to the university,

And they all get put in boxes

And they all come out the same.

And the boys go into business,

And marry, and raise a family

And they all get put in boxes,

Little boxes, all the same.

There's a green one and a pink one

And a blue one and a yellow one

And they're all made out of ticky-tacky

And they all look just the same

Oh, and ticky-tacky just means flimsy, breakable things...or something to that effect.

I AM NOT READY...

2007-01-13T09:33:00.000+13:00

...to be 20 yet!

God, I know you won't turn back time, but could you at least slow down what's left of it? Yes, I'm terrified of growing up, but you already knew that, didn't you?

Living in the Moment

2007-01-11T17:44:00.000+13:00

You know how some people like writing one of those year-end entries, looking back at the year in retrospect, that sorta thing? Well, honestly, I'm one of those people. Although I've only been blogging for about two odd years now, I've always done the this-year-in-retrospect thing; personal diary, taking a moment or two to just ponder on the events of the year in a corner silently, or otherwise. But this year, I thought I'd forgo it. Besides, I was at a party (at which I ONLY stayed because it was partly mom's birthday) and the moment kinda just passed me by...

Now, I feel so "unsettled" because of it. I didn't take no moment to look back and think and give thanks for that has been given unto me. I didn't do it and now I feel a wee bit weird.

Why? Does that make me someone who can't go a day breaking routines? I wonder if I've become one of those I-have-to-do-this-or-else-I-won't-sleep-a-wink kinda person. There ARE people like that, aren't there? It's not always good to be one of those people, right? It means I won't live i the moment and take things as it comes. I always have to know what happens next, I always have to do all the things on my to-do list and I always need to know everything around me (not in a nosy kinda way).

But on the other hand, I procrastinate like I still have 100 years to live, I don't bother to clean up my room unless I can no longer tell the difference from the floor and my clothes, and I can be quite a sloth at times. And I've stopped making resolutions since I was 17 because I know breaking it is inevitable.

But on yet another hand (not my own of course, as I only got two of 'em), I want to live in the moment. I think I'm finally beginning to understand the importance of taking life as it comes and letting things be. I don't want to make too many plans, for fear of things not going the way I had planned.

So, is this living-in-the-moment thing going to be a possibility for me?

I don't know.

But I'm sure as hell gonna try.

Bising-ing

2007-01-09T14:40:00.000+13:00

It never cease to amaze me how certain parties are always blowing willy-nelly things up in epic proportion, making a great deal out of nothing. I was blog surfing again today when I came across Patrick Teoh's Tokok. I read there that Malaysia has just launched some mega huge ferris wheel that's supposed to give you a view of Kuala Lumpur once you're at the top. Then, thanks to the power of hypertext, I landed myself on MyCen News and there it was among the major headlines: "Michelle Yeoh photograph causes media stir in Malaysia"

Apparently, dear Pak Lah was photographed having his hand on the former bond girl's bare shoulder at a dinner ceremony recently. A certain opposition Islamic political party wasn't too happy about it of course. PM? Religeous person? Eh, tak boleh! Dosa besar, ni! And so they went on to seize coppies of the tabloid newspaper containing that sinful picture- on the front cover, no less!

I mean, seriously, get a life, loosers! As if we don't have more pressing issues to deal with! So what if he had his hand on her shoulder? He's not going to die and go to hell for that, you know?! You want to write about pressing matters? War; is a problem. Poverty; is a problem. Serial killers on the loose; is a problem. Corruption; is a problem. Man's hand on woman's shoulder? Yeah, it's a catastrophe! *smiriks*

This is the problem with Malaysian media: lack of priority. A few months ago, singer Siti Nurhaliza announced matrimony and at the same time, Indonesia was hit by a second tsunami. I'll give you 5 bucks if you can guess which one made the front cover. Well, it certainly WASN'T the latter! What IS WRONG with our people? (Yeah, I'm still Malaysian).

You might say that it's not my place to say stuff about Malaysia because I left that place in search of a better future. But I'll always have a Malaysian part of me and since I am still a Malysian citizen, I think I have every right to buat bising and say what I think.

So again, with millions of other REAL problems going on, who'd actually give a toss about little things? So, she got married. Plenty of people do it all the time- several times in fact for some.

I find this whole thing inherrently laughable, as May Yin would put it. Quite ammusing indeed. But the fact that I'm actually blogging about this means I really DO need to get a job!

Happy Birthday, Sweetie!

2007-01-05T12:41:00.000+13:00

Mickey dearest,

Seeing as how you're the first in the bunch to reach semi-adulthood, I thought I'd let the whole world know! Haha!

Happy 20th (hence the semi-adulthood) Birthday, honey and hope you have a great one. I hope this year offers you everything you want and though the road ahead may sometimes be a lil blurry/foggy- hey, it's bound to happen!- I know you'll find a way out- you always do. May God keep you safe as you step into unfamiliar territory and reach for new heights.

I love you!

P.s: I know it's not the most flattering picture, but it was the best I had =)

Look What the Postman Delivered!

2007-01-03T16:56:00.000+13:00

I went furniture shopping with Daddy this morning, only to return home with this waiting for me to sink my teeth into:

The furniture man made my day by telling me EXACTLY what I wanted to hear: "We custom make everything to suite your taste. All we need is a description" (and for a very afforable price too!). Ah, music to my ears and heart.

But, my dearest periamma (anutie in Tamil) made my two most favorite cookies on earth- pineapple tarts and muruku! And she sent it all the way from Malaysia. This, is definitely the icing on a very rich two tired cake! Bless her kind heart! She makes the best, and I mean THE BEST pineapple tarts in the whole wide world! I was like a 5-year old let loose in a candy store as soon as I opened the package.

Thanks, DHL for making this delivery but most importantly, Thank you periamma for making those cookies! THANK YOU!!! Hopefully, when you make the next batch, I'm there to taste it fresh off the oven =)

Things I Saw Today...

2007-01-02T17:13:00.000+13:00

...on my drive along the coast:

The black dot in the middle is actually a bloke. He's supposed to be wind-surfing, but I couldn't get a close enough picture.

No, they're NOT birdie poop. They're oysters stuck on those rocks.

The Pine Harbour Marina. I swear, next to cars, this is probably the most owned vehicle in New Zealand! Made me think, if I don't own a house (on land) before I'm 30, I shall invest on a real flash boat- the kind I can live in...

What Have I Got That I Can Give?

2006-12-29T17:03:00.000+13:00

When I was a kid (not that I've outgrown the child in me!), I used to watch those child fund adverts and think how lucky I was that my life didn't suck as bad as the children of poverty stricken nations. I'm sure you know- or at the very least heard of- huge NGOs like Unicef, World Vision or OXFAM.

The elders around me would remind me of the many blessings and privilages I have as a child and to be grateful that I have a roof over my head, clean water, all the food I want, nice clothes and the presence of a loving family. It was one of those "eat your vegetables! Try living the lives of those in Africa or Bosnia" lectures.

Yes, when I saw those adverts as a kid, I felt gratitude for all that I've been blessed with. Now, as an older person, everytime I see such adverts- the kind that ask you to pick up the phone and sponsor a child, all I feel is pain, anger and utter frustration.

I empathize, or at the very least attempt to understand what the litttle ones are going through. I try to understand the pain that they must be living in every single day untill they reach the end of thier lives, waiting for some kind soul to extend a helping hand.

I feel anger. I'm angry at the irresponsible people who are responsible for bringing more life into this cruel world. Young, innocent lives who deserve better than the crap they are subjected to live because some jerk-off knocked up a poor girl (or maybe not so "poor") in the backseat of his car in a dark alley. Of course that's not the ONLY reason for unwanted pregnancies. I'm angry because men don't always think about possible repercussions of sticking thier dicks where it doesn't belong! Sorry about the harsness; I don't know how to say it courteously. I'm angry because women are oblivion to the fact that it could happen to ANYONE and so they sometimes take stupid risks. Yeah, I know- these "accidents" don't make up the millions of people living in poverty. Poverty has other causes, I KNOW that. Albiet, I can't help but think there is a significant ammount of contribution.

I feel frustration. I'm fed up with the fact that there is nothing I can do to financially help them, because it seems to be what they really need. I know that there are other ways and I'm looking at other avenues in which I can pitch in. But seriously, it's times like these I wish I was a billionaire so I could call up Unicef and say, "Hi, I'd like to make a monthly pledge of *insert how much you think a (generous) millionaire would give*. I'm not trying to be all noble and holier than thou, but i do honestly wish that sometimes.

Pehaps i should take some courses to become a certified social worker...but that would mean having to give up all my big dreams. I'm not ready to give up my nice life but on the other hand, I can't sit still and do nothing. Does it sound like I'm trying to have my cake and eat it too?

I have two hands and a willing heart. Do with it what you will, Father.

More Pictures

2006-12-28T23:14:00.000+13:00

No, this was NOT taken at the mall. It was in fact, someone's extravagantly decorated HOUSE. I know I sound like a "jakun" but I've not seen anyone back home go thru such amazing lengths to decorated thier homes for Christmas so this came a bit of a surprise for me. Someone mentioned in passing that it's family tradition passed down from father to son. A-MAY-ZING. isn't it?

Kids playing with "snow". It's actually foam but shhhh....don't tell =) It NEVER snows in Auckland so this is as close as you'll probably ever get.

My first real tree in 19 years! I take absolutely no credit for decorating it though...

Instead of partaking the boxing day madness we decided to opt for solitude at an island 45 minutes away from Auckland. This is Waiheke (pronounced wai-hee-kee) Island.

On the way to Waiheke. View from the ferry.

Sweedish Cum Kiwi Christmas

2006-12-26T22:01:00.000+13:00

Christmas came and went like a whift of freshly baked cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Different as it was, it was a nice kind of different. I had a traditional Sweedish christmas (with Stolen* and all) in Kiwi Land. The sheep and cattle were present as well (but of course!). I mean, what's a Kiwi Christmas without those farm companions echoing 'Silent Night' and 'Away in a Manger', ey?

Here; I explain better with pictures:

Peter (the host) carving the leg of ham. It was actually covered with dough before roasting.

And this is where it was roasted. I've not seen this is a really long time.

How'd you think people lighted up thier trees in the olden days? It makes sense, don't it? Peter assured us there was a fire extinguisher in the kitchen =) Here, have a closer look of those candles. Or what's left of it anyway:

To sum, I had a better time than I thought I would. I honestly thought I'd be miserable and missing the presence of friends and family back home, but I actually had a good time. I truly believe that come Christmas season, even the loneliest of the lonely will find warmth in their hearts. After all, I did.

*Stolen is a type of bread usually made during Christmas and I think it's a traditional bread in Switzerland and Germany (and Poland?) and some other places I forgot.

Deck the Halls and Empty Your Pockets

2006-12-22T20:06:00.000+13:00

It's that time of year again. The time where shopping malls become temporary mad houses pouring with last-minute shoppers profusely trying to buy everything their hands can possibly carry. It's that time of year where retail outlets slap on big "MEGA SALE" signs at the entrance trying so very hard to get rid of this season's 'in' things so they can make way for a fresh start come autumn. I still remember in Malaysia, now's the time you'll see adverts all over the telly and radio and see big bilboards that say "the whole of Malaysia is on sale"- which I personally thought sounded like the country is being put up for sale! Anyways, so, for these next few days only everything you once bought at 400 bucks are knocked off by up to 80% and you curse yourself for not waiting. Then you have those compulsive shoppers who have the inordinate urge to buy everything under the sun just because it's on sale. Nevermind not needing half the things they buy. These, I believe, is what we call...shopperholics? It's estimated that in New Zealand, over 3million EFTPOS* transactions will be made over the weekend, with 100 transactions per second.

But on the other hand, you have those people who were so busy working, be it balancing financial accounts or finnishing paperwork, that they comppletely forgot about buying presents and hence only have 48 hours till that all-important christmas family dinner to check off everything on thier list of "presents to buy". Also, not forgetting the procrastinators like me for instance (and probably more than 85% of the world over!) who wait to shop at the very last minute just for the heck of it. It's all part of the Christmas spirit and charm, I say.

In many ways, the holidays is a pretty big deal to a lot of people. Some use this time to catch up with loved ones they've not seen in ages; others use it as a time of reflection; some use it as an excuse to get away with recking trouble saying, "hey, lighten up. It's Christmas- people are supposed to be nice to each other!" Still others are just in dire need f this break because they've been slogging all year long to bring home the bacon. All the same, it's a season of sharing, good food, merry making and I reckon it's the only time of year where you can hug anyone you want without having to feel awkward.

So, what does this Christmas mean to me? Well, for one thing it is certainly going to be a quiet and different one. Actually, different is an understatement. I'm in a foreign land with only three other people to call family and I'm missing my girlfriends dearly. The weather is unbelievably miserable and almost everyone I know are away. But I suppose it's times like these you try finding comfort in the presence of aquaintances and make the best of the people and things around you, ey? The way I see it, I've two choices: I could spend Christmas alone feeling sad and bummed that my pals and family (other than daddy, mom and sis) are a million miles away; or I could embrace Christmas all the same and find cheerfulness in the people I barely know. Perhaps this is the time to know them a little better.

I think I shall opt for the latter.

So, what does this Christmas mean to me? It means finding joy and gratitude in the changes God dealt me. Being able to trust Him and thrust myself and as I relish this holidays, I realize one thing:

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same.
Though I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray.
And I want you more than I wanna live another day.
As I wait for you, maybe I'll be more faithfull.

*EFTPOS is like a debit card over here. It certainly makes my life a heck of a lot easier, not having to carry cash. Yet, I still don't understand why people want credit cards here.

Bleah!

2006-12-07T10:56:00.000+13:00

So, this is what it feels like to have gone all the way for a seemingly good interview only to get a call two days later and be told they've found a "more suitable applicant". Now I know. It feels horribly crappy. Not to mention rejected. I somehow think it's much easier getting a job in Malaysia. Now I wish I was some overseas correspondant for Xfresh. At least I still had a job and had a blast doing it.

On the bright side, I did get a free flat white during the interview- yeah I was interviewing for a job at a cafe. Wait, what the heck am I saying? I'm not even suppose to LIKE coffee! There is NO bright side. There is only the bitter after taste.

Now what? I've already sent in 15 other applications. One actually sent a rejection letter saying that "due to too many applications, they were not able to interview" me which in other words just means they couldn't be bothered to give me the time of day. Went for one interview which turned out to be a snag. So, what now?

Oh, get over yourself girl! It was only your FIRST job interview. Plenty more out there. Keep looking. Don't give up just yet. Getting rejected is all part of living, aint it? If nothing else, there's always uni to look forward to...

Album Review

2006-12-05T20:46:00.000+13:00

I bought a CD today. It was Brooke Fraser's "ALBERTINE". If her name doesn't ring a bell, fret not. I barely knew she existed untill I came to New Zealand. And I reckon the reason for that is because she's not from America, which sucks. The fact that I hadn't heard of her before, I mean- not because she's not American. She's actually a New Zealander (which probably explains why she's more famous here and in Australia).

I thought I'd give my two cents about what I think of her songs and hopefully "persuade" you to go out and get the album =)

Have you ever heard or saw or read something that made you wanna go out and change the world? These feelings don't come easy for me, seeing how I'm a self declared big skeptic. And let me tell you, "ALBERTINE" is one of the very few powerful albums I've come across. Of all the albums I've reviewed during my internship at Xfresh, I can honestly say this is the ONLY album that gripped me from beginning till end. I even purposely went for a super long drive just so I could hear the whole album in the car!

To me, what makes a good album is not so much the flash music. It's more of how the lyrics gel with the music. Music that compliments its lyrics. For example, if the lyrics go something along the lines of "devotion, peace, comfort and so forth" you wouldn't expect to sing it to the tune of that of heavy metal. Or would you? I know for a fact that the words of such a song would carry more meaning if sung at a less heavy sound. "ALBERTINE" is an album well done from that aspect. Fraser's got a knack for pairing rhythm and lyrics and give her songs depth and meaning.

Speaking of which, the lyrics are far too simple. Which is a good thing. Shows absolute honesty and let you know that you don't need to know flash words to write songs.

In short, I'd say that this is probably one of the most honest compilation of songs you'll hear in this age. One a personal note, I'm amazed at her on-going love affair with Rwanda.

Quote

2006-12-04T20:42:00.000+13:00

Best thing I've read today:

"...God wasn't expecting me to live by a whole bunch of rules or get to a certain place of acceptance before I could be a Christian. The whole point was that there was nothing I could do - it had already been done for me and that freedom could be mine if I just believed it. That's what being a Christian is all about and not many people know that."

-Brooke Fraser

Lima Beans

2006-12-03T22:00:00.000+13:00

I was never one to appreciate art in its literal form. I believe it's commonly refered to fine arts. For illustrative purposes, lets just say that I would make an absolute dimwit of myself if I were to become the director of an art centre/gallery. On the other hand, I don't altogether not have an interest for the arts. Heck, if you knew me well enough, you'd instantly be able to point out that I've nothing, if not total love for the arts. If anything, when God created me, He spent more time developing the artistic part of me rather than the scientific half. That's just the way I'm wired. Although, I must admit that in high school I didn't like that part about me because it made unappealing dents in my report card.

But it's all good now. I've learnt to accept and love that part of me now and wouldn't so much as step foot into a science lab (not if I can help it).

ANYWAY, so there was this art exhibition this week. I thought I'd check it out. Like lima beans- you've got to try it once in a while to see if your taste has changed. And I'm pleased to say that yes, my taste HAS changed. As I stepped into the rotary club (because that was the 'gallery') I found myself entranced by this one particular piece. I mean, I went around in circles only to come back to the very same spot and pour myself into that one piece. At that moment there was only one thing running through my mind: Gosh, I wish I had a check book and a bank account with at least $450! I wonder if the artist noticed that I couldn't take my eyes off her work.

I don't know what made me become so captivated. It's one of those inexplicable feelings; totally and stunningly enigmatic. I obviously can't show you the painting but I'm sure you're able to realte to the feeling. It's just amazing how some thing so simple can evoke so much within a person! Just so. A-MAY-ZING! I still can't get the painting out of my head and it's been more than 12 hours!

I once watched a scene on television where this character was so baffled by a painting she saw that all she could do was stand frozen in one position as tears began to weld up her big brown eyes. Simply because it was the most amazing thing she'd ever seen. But then again, she was director of a prominent art gallery so I suppose her character called for a better understanding for the fine arts. Also, I think the fact that she (the actor) had eyes that spoke a million words added to her advantage. I however, didn't get what was so astounding about the painting and I remember saying out loud, "hey, that's just a couple of squigles and lines and dots. Even I can do that!"

But I think I finally understand what the character and the scene and the paiting was trying to convey to its viewers. And oh, what a feeling!

Man, I'm so glad I'm more artsy than science-y. After all, life in itself is an art, no? I'm in no way trying to diss those who're wired to be science-y and mathamatically intelligent. I just wish, some of my high school teachers understood that one is not better than the other and groom thier students according to the way they're wired. That's another story altogether, though. For another time.

Turn, Turn, Turn, TURN!

2006-11-27T21:22:00.000+13:00

It's been a really long time since I last heard something that hit so close to home. Tony's (my pastor) message today hit so many nerves in me, I lost count how many! Despite the fact that I mostly kept awake last night, I was surprised to find myself sitting upright the whole time listening to all he had to say.

Tony spoke about there being a time for all kinds of seasons- or was it a season for all kinds of time?!- and he quoted a verse in the bible relating to it, though I can't for the life of me remember what the verse (serves me right for not taking down notes, ey). Right then, I was reminded of that Beatles' song; you know, the one that goes "to everything turn, turn, turn, turn. There is a season turn, turn, turn, turn..." or something like that. Anyway, so then I thought about my previous post and why I felt that way.

I reckon it was God's way of making me take a step back and re-evaluate my feelings, the things I've done, my thoughts, etc. Like a time for this particular season in my life, if you will. Perhaps He felt this was the only way He could get me to get back to Him. Can He do that- allow doubt to come into the picture? Or is doubt the sole doing of one's own mind? I don't doubt Him, that's for sure. But what I DO doubt is myself and the choices I've made. Does that make sense?

While I haven't completely found all the answers to my questions, some light has been shed. I may not know what lies ahead, but I accept that God is in total control and He knows. He knows. He. Knows. As for now, that is good enough for me. My Creator knows me and what is best for me.

Whirlpool of Thoughts

2006-11-21T17:13:00.000+13:00

I feel like running away. But oh, I have to stay. I've all these questions that need answering. I need to know why. Suddenly, I'm in doubt with the choices that I've made thus far. God, are these your plans for me? Have I made a mistake? You have to let me know because I can't see the path that lies ahead. Everything I see suddenly appears to be in multiple shades of grey. Where's the white? Where's the black? Suddenly, I don't know how to draw a straight line. I didn't forget- I just don't know.

Questions, questions; so many of them it's hard to know which one to ask first. I'm a little lost in my own thoughts, I need You to help me get back God. Father, I can't see beyond the grey yet, I need to know if I'm doing the right thing by you. It seems so easy to slip away in this place. Is this what you want me to be doing for a living? Life seems so much more complicated in this industry. Everything has two sides to it. And though I know which is the right side, I sometimes find it hard to be completely one sided.

Daddy God, I need your help. Please tell me what I should do. Send me someone to talk to. That's what I need-to talk. Talking always helps make sense of things. Please, send me someone to talk to.

*sorry about the ambiguity. I just needed some place to write down what I was thinking.

Happiness is...

2006-11-21T09:21:00.000+13:00

...two things I thought I'd never pick up:

Drinking coffee just because and not because I need that cafeine injection to stay up late working on assignments or cramming so I don't stuff up my finals. Those Flat Whites are just so soothing
Reading for the pleasure of it, not because I have to but because it's one of the best 'alone' things to do.
Although, I have to confess that for me, those things have to be done hand in hand. One cannot come without the other. I never understood what some of my friends meant when they said "there's nothing like curling up to a good book with a cuppa next to you". But I think now I do. I spent most of my day doing just that yesterday at this amazing little cafe I discovered near my place. I think I've been watching too much TV, where the character would get all comfy on her regular spot at the cafe couch and read while sipping a hot cup of coffee. Nonetheless, it was fun 'reenact' that scene and bury myself in Joshua Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye. It didn't have to be a thick novel; all I needed was something to read and that was perfect, seeing as how I've always wanted to have a read of that book. Better now while I'm still single, I suppose...

But, I still maintain that I'm not a coffee addict. It's just one of those things you do once in a while when you need to get away but can't quite retreat to the nearest island/beach.

*********************************************************************

Just this month alone I know FOUR people who've been diagnost with cancer. Suddenly, the phrase "spreading like cancer" has never been so real! Some detected it early and are undergoing chemo, others are at the later stages.

Dear God, why is this happening?! What're you trying to do?! Why do they all have to be family?! What's becoming of life?! They're all good people! They don't deserve this! You know they don't!

Why? Why? Why?!

Shopping for a House

2006-11-17T10:51:00.000+13:00

It's a perfect Friday morning and for once in a long time I'm awake before 9a.m. A beatifully sun-drenched day, spring is in the air, the flowers have all come to full blossoms, and I'm in a swimming mood. Yep, it's a nice day and I'm going to town barefoot! No way I'd do that back home though.

It's Friday morning, which also means my morning paper today is The Eastern Property Press. Mom and Dad have been on a hunt for the perfect home for the past three months now and I thought I'd make it a little easier on them by naroowing down their search. What they fail to realize though, is that unless they build a house from scratch with raw materials, they are never going to find the perfect house- well, at least not according to their spesifications anyway. So, the only thing I can do is to single out possible options that have almost everything they're looking for, but Mom always manages to find something that's not up to her standard. Sigh. I hope reality dawns upon them soon; otherwise they might go crazy and I can't have them that way!

It never occured to me how much I dislike computer lingo until I read something my sister wrote recently. Now that I've mentioned it, I loathe (yeah, it's a strong word) computer lingo. I can understand why people use it in text messages. I mean, those telco people didn't coin the term Short Message Service (SMS) for no reason right? Of course not! Heck, I use- and make up my own- text message lingo in most, if not all, my test messages. But here's the thing. When I'm on the computer I write things the way they should be written- the kind of words and spelling we were taught tu use in school. Why? Because I find it to be much more appealing to read.

Like this blog for insttance. I may use standard abbreviations , but that's all they are- standard abbreviations. I just can't bring myself to write my posts like "dis" and I "dun" "noe" if this is me being anal or me being just like every other good user of the language. For one thing, I'm not that great a speller (I'm still working on that) so I try to look up words (what will I do without dictionary.com!) as I go along so not as to take the shortcut instead.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not trying to be a smart ass or poke fun at those who're used to writing that way. I'm just wondering why those people write the way they do. Aren't they afraid that it may work its way into formal or academic writing, without them even realizing it! I hope they're mindful of that, for their own sakes. But I guess, at times it's fun to read something with computer lingo. Still, I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to let computer lingo slide into my writing. Probably becasuse I'm a soon to be journalism student...

This doesn't categorize me someone who's not tech savvy. Or does it?

Nah, in my defence, I do know how to use a computer and most of its programs.

I Could Not Ask For More

2006-11-15T17:34:00.000+13:00

Well, at this point in time anyway.

THANK YOU, GOD!!!

YOUR timing is impeccable- as always, contrary to what I often think.

This means I can finally get a job. I'm thinking Santa's elf since christmas is aound the corner. Hmmm...

This means I didn't entirely stuff up my interview at AUT last Tuesday. Woo-hoo!

2006-11-12T23:29:00.000+13:00

Why is it that whenever I ask you out to a movie you never give me a straight answer? Actually, come to think of it, you never give me an answer at all! Is it the movie? Is it the company? Or both? Perhaps it's neither. If I ask you out for a drive or to just hang out though, I get an "ok, What time you want me to come pick you up?"

I worked up the nerve to ask you about it in person when we hung out but since I was having such a good time and you made me feel so comfortable in my own skin, I decided to let that slide. I'm giving you the benefit of doubt, my friend, simply because that crooked smile and half raised brow of yours get me everytime.

That was some good steak you made there, mate! Thanks, I had a great time. We should bum around together more often. Somehow, it's a lot more fun than bumming alone.

Heart to Heart

2006-11-10T22:54:00.000+13:00

Walking along the park reserve, I tried to talk about anything and everything else, avoiding direct eye contact with Daddy so I didn't have to answer the one question I knew was the sole purpose of this walk in the first place. Finally, Daddy needled in the question I had anticipated all along yet wished was never brought up at all:

So, what are your plans?

My PLANS? Let's see, where do I start?

I knew where this was going. Just a couple of days ago I had thrown in the possibility of wanting to move out and move into the city once uni started- for several reasons that only seemed to make sense to no one else but me. Believe you me, I did get an earful and so I mentally reminded myself NEVER to bring it up again. But I got cornered today by Daddy and I couldn't see a way out.

So, what are your plans?

My p-p-plaaans? Well, I still wanna move out but that's something mom'll never understand so I'm coming to you first instead. I don't want to be resented for moving out. All I ask is that you realize I'm almost an adult and let me do things my way. I'd like to go with your blessing (and perhaps occasional ang pows). I don't intend to sever myself from you and be detatched all by my lonesome self- I'm much to indebted to your love to even think of ding such a thing to you.

All I ask is that you give me the independance I've always wanted to experience as a student while I can. I've always loved the city, I want to smell it; taste it; live it! I want to go out for long hours and not worry about coming home to an earful of where-have-you-been's and why-didn't-you-call's. I want to make my own mistakes. I've wanted to study overseas for the longest time partly because of the independance that comes along with it. The idea of having to fix you own botch-ups.

I know you're probably thinking how cliche this is. I realize how this may sound. I understand you think that by saying this, I'm just another rebelious teenager who's constant cry is to leave me alone because it's my life and to stop ruinning it for me! Truth is, I am just another teenager who wants to experience life to its fullest without having to be accountable to anyone else but myself and my God. Difference is, I realize it's not my life and you're not ruining my life.

I was glad to have had that talk with Daddy and finally get it out in the open. I felt so much better and the air seems a little clearer now. Thanks.

So don't get me wrong. I love ya'll with all my heart and I would never want to hurt you or make you question your parenting skills; When the time is right, please, let me go. Just let me go. In the words of Kahlil Gibran,

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

I've loved this piece since the day I first heard it at my high school's Literarly Night. Nice work reading it, Michelle!

Made to Last...or Not

2006-11-08T18:41:00.000+13:00

So, the Britster's finally decided to call it quits with K-Fed, ey? How many of you can honestly say you didn't see that coming? Raise your hands. And then there's the other big one before that- Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Philippe. Well that one I didn't see coming. They're one of those couples I thought would sick it out and actually make it in Hollywood. But then again, I thought Nicole Kidman and Cruise would last and see how THAT turned out! In the words of someone on TV (irony!) the definition of the perfect couple is the plastic figures that stand at the top of a wedding cake. Oh, how true that is!

But I'm not here to gossip. I just needed illustrations and it just so happens they happen to be the newest ones in the limelight. I mean, who am I to judge? I don't know the reason behind these split ups- don't believe everything you read in the tabloids because in the end, only the people involved in the marriage know why it ended- and therefore I know I'm in no position to say who's right and who's not. My point is this: Sometimes I wonder if people go into relationships for the sole purpose of wanting to get something out of it. What's in it for me if I get into a relationship with him/her? What can I get out of it? How will he/she benefit me?

Don't these people think about the repercussions of those failed relationships? How the other person's gonna get burnt? How the other person might feel. It's never about the other person...is it? When I have a guy in my life, I swear I'm gonna enter into that relationship with his best interests at heart...or tey anyway. I'd hate to burn him and get something out of it for myself. In fact, I'd hate to burn anyone for that matter; it's just not the person that I am.

Just today I was watching re-runs of F.R.I.E.N.D.S (season 1 I think) and it was the one where Chandler was seeing this woman who was already married and had two other boyfriends. Did you watch that one? While I love watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S and have nothing against that multi award- winning critically aclaimed series, I don't always agree with certain principals they adopt. Like in this episode, Chandler says how happy he is to have all the talk, all the sex and none of the responsibilities. Seriously, am I to believe that that is what replationships are all about in this century? Seriously?! What ever happened to "relationships require work"?

My question then is this: Are boy-girl relationships formed solely for the pleasure of wanting something back without thinking about the other person? Because if that's how it is, I'm actually a little frightened of being with someone I see myself falling in love with. Fear of being left just because he thinks he's taken everything that he needs out of the realtionship. C'mon, they're not all like that right? Right?!

Man, it's gonna be a long bumpy road. I guess that's why they say you can't go wrong if you love God, ey? HE'll never let you down. The real meaning of unfailing love. Never. Ever.

Two More Quickies

2006-11-05T18:44:00.000+13:00

Can get married- lah!
...well at least that's what I can hear my aunts saying right about now. Why? Because as you know, all Indian women must know how to cook but more than that, all Indian women must know how to cook curry. Since I finally found it in me to ask mom to teach me how to make it, yours trully is now able to make a (reasonably) decent curry and what do you know, it's as easy as...well making curry is as easy as eating it- for lack of a better comparison! But I'm told every family has its secret curry recipe and my only regret is not learning what mine is from my patti (grandma). Mom doesn't know it either. In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if we even had one! I should ask my aunts the next time I see them...

Haaaaave a good one!
Last weekend was Guy Fawks weekend and according to the New Zealand fire department, this has been the worst yet- bonfires gone wrong, local 'kampung' boys trying to play scientists, third degree burns, and half a dozen other fire related accidents. I didn't have to light crackers of my own- all I had to do was take a peek from my deck. I've still yet to ask anyone how Guy Fawks came about but I know for a fact that it's now a kiwi thing 'cause they have it in the U.K too and possibly other parts of the world. Just in case you're wondering though, it's the only day of the year where fireworks/crackers is legal.

The view from my deck

Quicky

2006-11-03T14:26:00.001+13:00

It's almost half past midnight and I've just (finally!) finnished editing my C.V. Now all's I gotta do is ace my interview and the writing test on Tuesday. I'm scared as hell seeing as how I've not really sat through an actual formal interview with the board of directors of the School of Communications of Auckland University of Technology (I'm writing everything in full, just this once, so you'll understand better- no abreviations like AUT or BSC and such). Perhaps I should just look at them for who they really are- middle aged possibly balding kiwi men or silver-haired fussy women in suites who just might not be so terrorizing, if I played my cards right. You know what they say about them women- cranky and fussy. Somehow I reckon that if I had an all-male panel, it might not be half as bad. Perhaps they in turn might see me for who I really am- an inexperienced 19 year old trying student who's just determined enough to get in and just wants the opportunity to make something of herself.

I'm just gonna leave it in His hands.

You know how much I want this right?! Sure You do.

As long as I don't botch it up, I reckon I have a pretty good chance of getting in.

Whatever. I'm off to bed. I'll worry Monday night!

When Right Feels Right

2006-10-29T20:22:00.000+13:00

Have you ever been in a place where you wanted something so bad only to later find out that someone else came from right behind and ripped it away from you all because you were 2 seconds too late? For some, it could be the last item of its kind on a grocery store shelf (think thanksgiving turkeys). For others, it could have been the very last copy of a limited edition of a particular CD that they've been saving up for. Or my worst nightmare- the very last pair of the shoes I'd eyed for too long- SHRIEK!! Heck, for some it could have been a boy that they've been crushing oh-so-badly over.

For me, it was a house. Yeap, you read it right- A HOUSE.

My parents and I were on a house hunt when we came across this beautifully enchanting home that boasted an even more magnificent backyard- decks and all. I fell in love with that place as soon as I took my first step into the living room. In all the prior houses that I've lived in with my family, I've never had the chance to look at the property before moving in simply because I was too young to know anything about houses, let alone buying them. So long as Daddy gave me a roof over my head and almost everything I've wanted, I was all good. Now that I'm a little older, I get to have an opinion about where we live. Yay!

So, when I walked into that place, it felt right. I can't describe how right felt. it just did. Plus, for once in a really long time, all of us agreed on the same thing. When you walk into a house that's that good and you start making plans about what your room's gonna look like and see yourself lying flat on the deck at night just staring into a blanket of stars in the sky, you just KNOW how right it feels. And know I certainly did.

To cut the long story short, several hours into the baby steps of purchasing that property, some guy came and ripped it away from underneath offering instant cash and so he obviously got the place in the end. Just like that. Just because he had the cash. It wasn't even the case of "I saw it first". He came, He saw, He paid. That's all there was to it. Just. Like. That.

But the funny thing is that I was the least disappointed (among my parents and sister). Why? Just for the view of the backyard, I was willing to compromise all the other little "deficiencies" of the house- like the fact that what was suppose to become my bedroom should we have bought it, wasn't what I'd had in mind and one other thing I can't mention.

I guess the disappointment wasn't far too much because those little "deficiencies" came into play, but I was bummed nonetheless.

God, You better have a better house waiting!

I hope when it's time for me to leave my father's house, I'll be able to buy a house in cash.

I wish!!! I'd have to be a millionire to do that. But It was nice, for a second, wish that I could, in streak of abounding blessing, be a millionaire.

Oh well, better losing a house that way than the man of my dreams- where ever he may be!

All New

2006-09-09T22:27:00.000+12:00

Welcome to this new space of mine. Yes, I've taken up just a little more of cyberspace but that's only because I know that it doesn't matter HOW much space I take, there's always gonna be plenty left for the rest of the world. Ah, the wonder of cyberspace...

Besides, everyone else I knew were doing it. Yeah, totally lame thing to say but what the heck?!

I needed a change (as if I don't already have enough of it in my life!) and I figured new country, new look, new memories to make, so why not get a new space alltogether. Nevermind the fact that it's still within the blogspot sphere.

More later, there's a car waiting to be washed and the vacuum cleaner has my name on it. Lucky for me, the sun is not scorching today and the weather man said there's not gonna be any rain today.

(AARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!! I just found out "The Devil Wears Prada" is coming out in Malaysia within the week! It's horrible that movies come out so late here!!!! I feel like screaming!!! I sooo wanna see it!!!!)